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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My husband and I have been together almost 10 years. I have

Resolved Question:

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years. I have suspected infidelity for about 1 year, although he denies it. He tells me last night that he no longer wants to be with me, but he does not know why.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry this is happening to you. How has your relationship been otherwise besides you suspecting the infidelity?

Are you wanting to save the relationship? How sure are you about the infidelity?

I am here to help. I will await your reply in order for me to help you better.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I thought our relationship was good. We have always had fun together, and he treated me very well.


 


I do want our relationship to work. I still love him. As far as the infidelity, there were emails sent to this other girl, and on the computer I found a receipt for a hotel (close to our hometown) on a date when he told me was working out of state.


 


Right now, all I feel is anger towards him. I think he started to feel differently about me when I asked him about the cheating.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for explaining. I do understand how you feel and I am sorry. You have good reason to think he was cheating and natural for you to be angry. You thought everything was good, so I could understand why you may feel devastated right now. Men may cheat for various reasons and even though you are upset I hope you do not take it personal. There are many reasons within him that could have caused him to go this route. He may be worried that you found out and now wanting to separate in order to not continue cheating. Also, he could be confused about what to do right now and wanting a break. When couples have been together a while it is easy to get into a "routine" and even though it may still be a good relationship some people get attracted by new things that are outside of the "routine". People can fail and get passed this. The important thing is if this was a "slip up" or in his nature. Since the both of you seem to have had a good relationship this may have very well been a "slip up" for him. He may just need sometime to figure out how to proceed from here since our emotions when involved with someone else can make us confused. He may need to realize for himself that this relationship he had with this other person if he did indeed was just a phase and will pass. His true love is you and even if he was not cheating then he still may need to organize his feelings about whatever he may be going through at the time. It could be a depression or hidden issues he may be going through. I would encourage him to open up to you.

Since you do not know for sure he is cheating even though it does seem like that I would not accuse him at this point especially since he is wanting to separate. However, you can talk about what you found if you like. I would also put your anger to the side and try to talk with him in general. Try to find out why he may think he is wanting this and what is causing him to feel that this is the best solution at this time especially during this confused state he is in. Try not to judge, accuse or point fingers since that will only lead him to get upset and angry, which will push him away and do the opposite of what you want. Try the best you can to talk in a respectful mature way since this will not only get your point across, but also encourage him to open up in order to try and work things out together. Let him know how you feel and that it is best to not make decisions when we are unsure of how we are feeling. You can also ask him if he is willing to go to couples counseling. After this all you can really do is give him space and go from there. Since he just said this yesterday it would be best to see how he proceeds and if he is serious.

Since you did not have a specific question I gave advice in regards XXXXX XXXXX situation itself. But if you have any more questions or need clarification then please feel free to ask. I am here to help and support you through this time.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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