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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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Earlier tonight my boyfriend with whom Ive been in an equally

Resolved Question:

Earlier tonight my boyfriend with whom I've been in an equally committed relationship with for two years called me by his six year old daughters name. What's is so disturbing to me about him doing this is he did so while we were in the throws of passion and I literally had his "member" in my hand pleasuring him. When in a sensual voice he said " come up here closer to me Jane where I can....." at which point it occurred to him what he'd said. He then casually chuckled about it only to say, "I don't mean Jane, I mean Susan", "I don't know why I said that". Obviously the moment was gone as was I. Without missing a beat I was up and out of the room trying to make since of what just happened. This was several hours ago and I still don't know what to think about it. Am I being hypersensitive, or am I not reacting enough? What should I say to myself in order to work through this for me, in my psyche?
Only then will I know how, or if, to deal with him.

Brief Background: we both will celebrate our fiftieth birthday in the coming months. We each are successful in our chosen careers, and both have a divorce under our belt. My only child is grown and out on her own while he shares custody of his kids, six yr old twins, with former wife.

I'm drawing a complete blank. Thank You in advance for any advise you might offer.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 2 years ago.

Dr. D. Brown :

Hello. I will be right back with you after I review your question. Thank you.

Dr. D. Brown :

Hi Cynthia. I am glad you reached out for support. I can completely understand how this experience would be disturbing to you. In an intimate moment with your partner, it is a vulnerable time and one in which you want to feel close emotionally, so I can understand you feeling shocked and confused about what happened. I don't know your boyfriend's background and his relationship to his daughter, so this is just a hypothesis as to what happened. There are basically two thoughts I have about this. One is, that your boyfriend was feeling really close and connected to you in that intimate moment and that he confused names because he also feels these things with his daughter, in an appropriate way, but his mind just mixed them up. This would make sense if he has a healthy, appropriate relationship with his daughter with boundaries, etc (ie. a healthy attachment). The other theory is that he may have some latent feelings of sexuality or even sensuality with his 6 year old and he unconsciously blurted this out.

Dr. D. Brown :

This second hypothesis is not necessarily a bad sign, (ie. that he is normally attracted to young girls), but may be more of a sign of a common sort of "flirtation" that happens between young girls and their fathers. Young girls learn "how" to be sensual and flirtatious with their daddy's when they are in the oedipal stage (3-5 or 6) as they have fantasies about "marrying daddy" and such. This is perfectly normal and really how little girls learn about the opposite sex, as long as it is just a stage and Dad has appropriate boundaries with her (e.g. never crosses the line into touching or sexuality with her).

Dr. D. Brown :

Basically, if something inappropriate was happening with his daughter, you would see signs of it in her behavior such as acting overly sexual during play or with friends or acting very aggressive. If you think their relationship is healthy, then I would chalk it up to a "freudian slip" in which his repressed sexual or sensual feelings just popped through for a second. If you are worried that he is molesting her or being otherwise inappropriate, then you really need to call CPS to protect her. I hope this makes some sense to you. I am sorry for the long response but it is a bit complicated. If you are happy with my answer, I always appreciate a positive rating. If you have more questions, please don't hesitate to follow up. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service. Take good care.

Dr. D. Brown :

Please let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. If you would kindly rate my service I would appreciate it. I will await your reply and check back in later. Take good care.

Dr. D. Brown :

If you are satisfied with my answer, please post a positive rating according to your experience. If not, tell me what I can do to further assist you and I will be happy to do so. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service.

Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience: 21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown
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21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist