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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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ive been dating a guy for 11 months and i need advice

Resolved Question:

Hi


 


I've been dating a guy for 11 months now and we're still not official. Hes been in a 3year relationship before and had hes heart broken. The first 8months of us dating it was perfect, amazing, everything was great. Until just recently about 2 months ago he started to change. The way he talks to me. He is a really nice guy, He has a lot of friends and also knows a lot of girls.


its just that im very confused of why he is like this towards me now. and the sudden change in him.


Hes also very busy. He works full time, does two jobs. And trains daily. We only see each other once a week.


 


He stresses a lot about things and gets really angry easily. I feel like every time he has a bad day he takes it out on me by not talking to me or simply ignoring my msg's.


 


Me as a person im a very shy and a quiet girl around him. I still haven't opened up to him, and shared my feelings and my opinions on things. I get very nervous around him and that's what makes me not speak up about whats bothering me.


I would love from you to give me an advice of what to do or to try and make things better. Please.


Thank You

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 2 years ago.

Dr. D. Brown :

Welcome. Please give me a moment while I review your question.

Dr. D. Brown :

Thank you for reaching out. I can understand how you might feel confused at the change in dynamics with your boyfriend after 8 months. Typically, relationships go through a "honeymoon" phase in the beginning when everything is great and the two of you want a lot of time together, in person or via phone, text, etc. Your individual needs usually get set aside during this phase. This phase can last anywhere from 3 mos to 12 mos. The next stage is one where more "individual space" is taken by each partner and there is less connection time. Each person's individual needs resurface here and it seems as if one or the other person is distant. This is a perfectly normal phase in the development of long-term commitment and probably what happened to you after 8 months. My suggestion would be to allow some space to be there and try to be patient while the dynamics settle out and each of you finds a new way to connect to the other. If you pressure him during this time, he may get angry and become even more distant. Does this make sense?

Dr. D. Brown :

I am sorry you left the chat and we didn't get a chance to chat further. I would also recommend that you try to share more of yourself so he gets to know the real you. By being genuine, you will deepen your connection and attachment to him. If you have more questions, let me know. I appreciate a positive rating if you are happy with my response. If not, please let me know what I can do to further assist you.

Customer: Yes that makes a lot sense. I've actually thought about just giving it some more time.. And like you said just be patient and wait it out. I just wanted to see if everything thats happening is ok or normal.
Dr. D. Brown :

Yes, it sounds perfectly normal to me. But trying to open up more and share your feelings may make the two of you feel closer, so I would encourage you to do that also. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Customer: No that is all i needed to know. Thank you for your time and for the advice. :)
Dr. D. Brown :

Absolutely. Please kindly rate my service after we conclude here. Good luck to you!

Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience: 21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
Dr. D. Brown and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 2 years ago.
Hello,

I just wanted to check back in with you to make sure you didn't have any further questions. If you do, please let me know. If not, I wish you all the best and thank you again for the opportunity to be of service.

Kindly,

Dr. D. Brown

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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown
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21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist