Hello Marc. Let me read your question and get right back to you.
I am sorry you and your girlfriend have been struggling. It sounds to me like you might be feeling some guilt around the "virgin" story and that you keep punishing yourself for not telling the truth to her. You said she "wants to believe" but really doesn't. I think she may be feeling something is off about this story and that it has brought up mistrust. She sounds like she may be acting out these feelings with you and wanting you to "soothe her" or "reassure her" because she is struggling with trusting you. This is just my hypothesis, so please tell me if I am on the right track. It also sounds like you are really berating yourself. You shouldn't treat yourself that way! Have you thought about maybe setting things straight about the virginity issue and start fresh? Let me know if this resonates and answers your question. I always appreciate a high rating if you are satisfied with my answer. Thanks!
I am too afraid to tell her the full truth out of fear of losing her. She told me that if she had continued to believe that "wasn't a virgin" that she eventually would have left me. I'm afraid she'll leave me if i tell her or she'll stay and lose all trust in me completely. Forever looking at me like i'm a bad person instead of the man that loves her
Yes, I understand that fear, but I think telling her what you just told me would actually make her trust you more for being honest. She may be temporarily upset, but eventually I think your vulnerability and honesty would be endearing to her and make her realize she CAN trust you after all. You said you are afraid she will leave you, but it sounds like things are already deteriorating and you may lose her if things continue this way. I would really recommend being honest. It is the only thing that builds a foundation of trust in a relationship.
Ok. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you getting back to me. I will tell her....I'm crying already. This is for the best. Thank you again and good luck with your practice in the future.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I am so glad you are going to tell the truth. I think you will find huge relief. Let me know if I can help you any further or in the future. Again, I appreciate a high rating if you feel I have answered satisfactorily. Good luck to you, Marc.