Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today.
It sounds very strange to me, so I can see why you'd be confused. If you've been in a committed relationship for 9 months, and there haven't been any red flags or problems along the way, then I can see only two real possibilities as to why he'd change his status -
1. (and hopefully this is not the case, but I just want to be fair to you and point out all possibilities) He might be interested in someone else that he's been talking to on Facebook and wants to give the impression that he's free to date whomever he wants so that this person won't be turned off by his status saying he's in a committed relationship or
2. He was trying to make some sort of strange joke, but that possibility sounds a bit weird to me. I don't see what would be funny about it - and I don't see what anyone else would see funny about it either. You're probably right that he didn't realize facebook would send you a message to accept or decline, but somewhere along the way he must also realize that you'd see his status if you went to his page.
It's not something that needs to become a huge deal if you do trust him and you think he really was just trying to make a joke -- and you could just let it lie and see how things go but if it's really bothering you (as I imagine it would be) then I would suggest sitting down at some point in the future to discuss it. It could just have been some silly mistake that he now regrets doing, so you have to listen to what your gut tells you to do. Good luck.
Thank You for your reply. I tend to feel like your first response is the correct one. we were on the phone for 2 hours prior to me reading the msg from facebook and their was no indication regarding this on his part which makes me believe that he didn't realize that I would have a message sent to me that I had to agree or decline. I have a real problem with this. Even though he blew it off and said it was a joke, that is nothing to joke about and I don't know who would think it is funny. I am supposed to get on a plane tomorrow at 8:00am to fly with my three children to go to have Thanksgiving with him and his children and his parents and sisters. Also we are celebrating my birthday on Sunday. How on earth can I possibly do this, I feel their must be some truth behind his humour
we are also making plans to spend ski vactation together with our children and a valentine trip skiing with just each other in February.
I feel very vulnerable and gaurded. I lost my husband a year and 3 months ago, and when I give my heart it is not for a quick anything it is because I am in and expect the same from my partner. I'm afraid this has made me feel leary and to pull away because I don't feel we are in the same place if he has to change the status to open relationship, obviously that is what he wishes for.......
Thank you. This is really a great idea to be able to reach out to someone who is third party and has no emotion involved and uses logic and judgement. It really does help to see all points and of course we women tend to get all emotional and jump to abandonment which is what i really feel...but that isimpulsive and acting out of hurt feelings....he definately has some explaining to do..... when I had gotten off the phone with him last night it was late after mid night and I saw msg from facebook I immediately called him back to ask him, he was sleeping but laughed and said it was a joke....it's 50/50 that I get on that plane tomorrow....it's almost like I want to teach him a lesson that my feelings cannot just be toyed with like that....we have been so totally honest with each other from the very start and now that this has come to light he has to come clean, and I will feel if he is being honest and from their decide the direction to take. The way I am, if something bothers me I have to address it immediately and get it resolved to move forward. I cannot pretend or be fake about anything. I give alot and expect alot.