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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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My girlfriend and I were dating for 6 months. She took a job

Customer Question

My girlfriend and I were dating for 6 months. She took a job in another state just for the winter for 5 months. We talked about what's going to happen and she started crying saying she didn't want to break up and that it will be fine. The last night she was here she broke up with me. Why did she tell me everything was going to be fine and then the last night she ended it?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

It sounds like the separation may feel like it could be too hard for her and she chose to end things rather than work through a tough space.

Customer: Why would she tell me for a month that everything is going to be fine and that she loved me though?
CoachJenK :

I still think she loves you but is protecting herself

Customer: What would she be protecting herself from?
CoachJenK :

felling sad when you are not together in the same location

Customer: So basically she was just waiting to the last minute so she didn't feel sad and that it would be eaiser when she was a distance from me?
CoachJenK :

I dont think she was waiting until the last minute. I think she thought she could do it but then as it got closer she may have panicked

CoachJenK :

her feelings may be so strong that she is just afraid of feeling too sad and trying to block that ongoing pain by ending it now.

CoachJenK :

not easy for you as you are in pain now

Customer: Ok. So what should I do? I am suppose to go visit her in two weeks and she said she was excited to see me so we can work some stuff out. Then last night she said that he didn't now if it was a good idea and that she will let me know what should I do?
CoachJenK :

I would wait and see. Let her get used to it all. My hunch is that once she gets settled she will feel better and she will miss what you share and reach out. Let her know you care and how you want to be with her but will do what you need to help her feel okay.

Customer: It's not easy at all I lived at her house pretty much all summer with we parents and her.
CoachJenK :

I am so sorry you are going through that pain.

CoachJenK :

my gut says it isnt over forever.

CoachJenK :

Give her the support she needs and the time she needs.

Customer: So you don't think that she used me or that she was waiting to the last minute because she wouldn't need to see me after.
CoachJenK :

no I dont get that sense at all.

CoachJenK :

i think it is more that she is fearful about missing you and not knowing what to do with those feelings.

CoachJenK :

you are a gentleman and take care of yourself during this time too.

CoachJenK :

give her some time if you can and let it play out

Customer: When we talke last night though she said she doesn't think that we will get back together even when she comes home but wasn't sure
CoachJenK :

she sounds confused. Give the space and see if she comes around, but at the same time live your life and dont put things on hold.

Customer: Why would she do that if she was fearful of missing me? She told me also that I could wait but doesn't know if it will work?
CoachJenK :

sometimes the painful feelings can be too much.

CoachJenK :

I would not stop your life and just let things play out and see where things go.

CoachJenK :

there is no way to predict so i would want for you to go about your daily life and enjoy yourself and see what happens.

Customer: If she lets me visit her In two weeks like I am suppose to how should I go about it?
CoachJenK :

If you still desire to do so then i would go and have fun, be light and enjoy the time.

Customer: But don't bring up the feelings right? If she decide's that I shouldn't come out there then I should just let we go and move on?
CoachJenK :

yes on both...

CoachJenK :

not easy for you but you deserve to move on and be happy.

Customer: I thought we were happy together. I just have a tough time understanding why she would say that everything is going to be fine and then asked me if she had a day off she would come visit me before I go there for a weekend. Then last night she said that she didn't now if it was a good idea and she would let me know. I never asked her to come visit me before I went there.
CoachJenK :

It is very confusing and i think it is evident that she feels confused which is why her mind keeps changing. Pull back a bit and let her miss you and your times together.

Customer: Last question, so you just think that she is confused and scared? And what is your gut feeling?
CoachJenK :

to me it sounds like she is confused and scared and needs some time on her own. In that time my feeling is that she will miss you.

Customer: Alright thank you for your help. It felt good to talk to someone about it. Oh she said that I need to give her space and not text or call her until she lets me know about visiting her, but she is the one that contacts me first
CoachJenK :

It is my pleasure. Take care of yourself now. I wouldnt reach out either. Let her miss you. I think she will.

CoachJenK :

Please take a moment to click on the rating tab. My goal is excellent.

CoachJenK :

come back to me anytime just ask for CoachJenK

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1778
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just don't get it, we new for three months before she left that she was going out there. I asked her if he had any concerns we could just end it then. She said no so I let it go. I asked her two weeks before and she said the same thing that it will be fine. I want her back or I want her to feel as much Hurt as I do now!!
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I know how painful it is and also very confusing. She seems to be confused as to what she wants, but I do believe that if you can pull back a bit, that she just might miss you. These feelings of confusion might not have been there before for her when you asked and they may just be coming up now as she is nervous about the separation.

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