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BillLCSW
BillLCSW, LCSW, MFT Treating Couples for 35 years
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker MF Therapist
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My husband and I belong to a tennis club and are both good

Resolved Question:

My husband and I belong to a tennis club and are both good players. A new young woman has been hanging out at the club trying to connect with other players. My husband gave her our number and told her she can call him anytime she wants a game. He didn't tell her to call 'us' and he didn't tell me so I was surprised when she called on my birthday and asked if he could come and play. I told her 'not today'. The second time she called he was working and I told her to call someone else in the club. She has other players numbers but most of their wives don't play. This situation is making me uncomfortable as my husband is a flirt and generally doesn't want to play with inferior players. He says that - unlike me - she has a real passion for the game same as him and is willing to play more than me. He says it's just about the tennis and that I can come and he'll play both of us. Somehow I feel insulted as I've worked very hard to bring up my game and play almost all of the time.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  BillLCSW replied 1 year ago.

BillLCSW :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

BillLCSW :

I am sorry to hear about this.

BillLCSW :

This is an unhealthy triangle.

BillLCSW :

Your husband should be aligned with you and your feelings should take priority.

BillLCSW :

He needs to sever the relationship with the other person and start behavior in a mature manner and seek his narcissistic reinforcement in another venue-

BillLCSW :

Kind regards, Bill

BillLCSW :

PLEASE LEAVE POSITIVE RATING SO THAT I RECEIVE CREDIT FOR MY TIME.

Expert:  BillLCSW replied 1 year ago.

Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The next time she calls here I would like to tell her that I am uncomfortable with a young woman calling my husband out for tennis and not to call back.


Is this reasonable?

Expert:  BillLCSW replied 1 year ago.
Sigrid- What you suggest is appropriate.

People need limits and if your husband is not going to set them, you should and have every right to do so.

Be clear, direct and to the point.

Example: "YOUR CALLS AND CONTACT ARE INTERFERRING WITH MY MARRIAGE - PLEASE STOP. Thank you"

That should do it!

Kind regards, Bill

My goad is Excellent Service and I appreciate your Positive Rating.

Thank you and all the best!
BillLCSW, LCSW, MFT Treating Couples for 35 years
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker MF Therapist
BillLCSW and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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