i'm slowly getting myself together, sorting the cottage, almost there, it's so good it's got everything needed to live without having to bring too much from home, just favourite mugs and my pressure cooker etc. Poppy has been with me the whole time, not been to see D, not asked about him, avoided going home for stuff when he's there, but she did say yesterday she supposed she ought to go and see him.
Sam has spent most of his time at the barn, did sleep here last night but didn't come over til late, up in time to drive himself to college, but I have seen him very little, njot even had supper here tonight. he was here doing his homework when I came home from work having a bad day, was late for his lesson this morning, missed registration and the worksheet (no teacher) so went into town, tried to work when he got in but was struggling, said to remind him to take his pills tomorrow. I am missing him, but know he is at the barn bc of his friends and it's how he always is, in and out, it's just bc I'm not at home to see him when he's in and out that I don't see him!
But he did tell me that he had offered to clean the house for D, but for pocket money, I said if he does he needs to be paid up front, but I'd rather D did it himself. I think Sam is still hoping to do that, wants the money (lots of expenses now, drugs, car, clothes, he told me he took some savings out today. It makes me sad that I spent 18 years saving up for him, now he can use it as he pleases, but he wants to be thrifty, took some out to buy a new stereo for his car, but went out tonight to get it, finding they were all too expensive. I'm glad in a way bc what he has is just fine. He also said he would buy some supplies for D while he was out, again I said make sure he gets the money first, but he should really let D do his own shopping (and for dog food), otherwise he isn't going to learn. This evening when I went to feed the animals at about 5.30 D came back in his van; I put the dogs in after a run and he said he'd just had fish and chips from the van, said it's ridiculous cooking for just one, I said you're going to have to, many people do. There are still raedy meals in the freezer, more in the shops, but he just wants to not be bothered. My guess is he's been eating some nights at the pub when he's been gone all hours (I only keep an eye bc of the dogs). I know he has no money in his accounts, in fact the bank have refused some payments, I have witheld transferring money (nopt from my account, between his) until today, just want him to know, so he has had a letter from the bank giving him all the charges that will be against his account with each day he is over his OD limit. So, I am guessing, bc the pub owes him several hundred pounds, unable to pay bc of lack of funds, he is taking advantage and drinking/eating on tab so that he gets paid it one way or another. For someone who can't afford bread milk and eggs he certainly is out a lot.
So, I asked him how he was this evening, he said not alright really. I said you'll be fine. At least he has Sam coming and going, Sam has said he seems fine, but he obviously isn't working. Sam told me that mark was there today, and they were discussing a new 'business plan' to trade on Ebay, buy and sell. That'll be an onus on Mark bc D is not computer savvy, maybe he'll be able to do the buying, just up his street, and Mark the selling. Good luck to them. I found a job advert in the local shop on Monday, couldn't help myself, had to copy the details down and leave them for D to find the next day. I don't know if he phoned them or not, I think I'll move on.
This evening though I have written him a letter about the expenses for the Barn, how they are currently being paid, and that he can continue to pay me a weekly sum to cover some of them, and pay the rest directly, and that he needs to apply to the Council for a reduction in community tax bc he is a sole adlut at the property. That will be for him to apply for, but I have let them know and are sending him the forms.
otherwise he has been keeping away for the moment, I hope it stays that way but I doubt it.
today my mo9ther has had her surgery, I can't get hold of Dad to see how she is, and when I phoned the ward there was just a message from another nurse who wasn't looking after her so I don't realloy know how she is. I do understand, I phoned not long after the night staff came on duty and they didn't know their patients, and her nurse was busy. Anyway I wanted to talk to dad, tomorrow will have to do.
Yesterday late afternoon mum phoned to borrow some things for her admission and I went for a chat, we had to talk about AA's affairs, my dad is getting very stressed with the complications of her estate, and the other woman who lives there, and mum was getting upset bc AA had paid a lot of money that was her mother's (my grandmother's) into the property, and there are no deeds to say what had been purchased etc, now we need to try to recoup some money to buy AA's care, which might be several years worth, it's all rather convoluted. Anyway, my brother arrived, I didn't know he was coming, he always makes me feel on edge, he can barely look me in the eye. He is AA's Godson and executor to her estate on her death; mum dad and I had been talking for many minutes about things before he arrived, I felt equal, but then I felt like the invisible one that I had been all my childhood, I felt like all the hours and hours that I had spent with her, knowing her inside out were extinguished, and taken over by my brother who had seen her once or twice in the last year, and she didn't know him from the gardener. I had to make my excuses and leave, had an appointment with K, but just as I was leaving he asked me how things were with me, and I felt like I had to defend the position of my affairs. Oh, and he said a few weeks ago that he'd like to come with me to visit AA bc she knows me not him, and that freaked me out, having to do something so personal with him, maybe travel in the same car, said to K that I'd rather travel with a stranger, I feel terrible, bc he obviously doesn't feel the same now. Seeing K last night was good, I talked so much, and cried so much about my brother, she told me they were angry tears, I felt I was being ignored and treated as knowing nothing which is how it always was with my parenhts and him bc he's bright and he can talk and I don't feel brighyt and can't talk.
But how am I doing? I am better I think but too much is happening and I am confusing my feelings and struggling to take stock. I don't know how I will get on seeing Adele tomorrow, I didn't see hert last week when I really needed to and I felt she didn't want to see me, which I know is silly. But I do at least feel I have space to breath and not have to deal with D, even for 3 mins or so this evening when putting the dogs in he was grilling me about AA's affairs, I really don't know why, had to say it was being dealt with by dad (about the cottage)
I haven't replied to my solicitor yet, I must tomorrow. he sent me lots of letters all at once last week, and a draft of the letter he was proposing to send to D once I OK'ed it, but it doesn't say anything about him moving out to allow us occupancy, just that if he wants to buy me out he can, otherwise it will be valued and sold. I don't think I want that, but he did say he deliberately didn't say he would be removed if he didn't vacate, maybe so as not to rile him, but I want him to clarify that we can move back in a few months.
Can't remember if I wrote that I have written to D this evening laying out all the Barn's outgoings that he will have to be responsible for. I'm sure that won't be received well.
I'm sorry I know I've been rambling, I'm some and some tonight, need to sleep, still so exhausted all the time. I told Kitty today about the happenings, I was glad to have shared with her, she had been getting bits and pieces on a weekly basis, but hadn't pushed me if I didn't want to share. She was lovely, of course. Her Jack Russel puppy is arriving next week, i'll look forward to meeting her (she's taking the week noff)
OK, gotta go to bed, Poppy has gone before me, very unusual!
Hope you're happy with the election results (you don't need to answer that!)
Goodnight Kate, good to talk, ((( hugs )))