i'm slowly getting myself together, sorting the cottage, almost there, it's so good it's got everything needed to live without having to bring too much from home, just favourite mugs and my pressure cooker etc. Poppy has been with me the whole time, not been to see D, not asked about him, avoided going home for stuff when he's there, but she did say yesterday she supposed she ought to go and see him.
Sam has spent most of his time at the barn, did sleep here last night but didn't come over til late, up in time to drive himself to college, but I have seen him very little, njot even had supper here tonight. he was here doing his homework when I came home from work having a bad day, was late for his lesson this morning, missed registration and the worksheet (no teacher) so went into town, tried to work when he got in but was struggling, said to remind him to take his pills tomorrow. I am missing him, but know he is at the barn bc of his friends and it's how he always is, in and out, it's just bc I'm not at home to see him when he's in and out that I don't see him!
But he did tell me that he had offered to clean the house for D, but for pocket money, I said if he does he needs to be paid up front, but I'd rather D did it himself. I think Sam is still hoping to do that, wants the money (lots of expenses now, drugs, car, clothes, he told me he took some savings out today. It makes me sad that I spent 18 years saving up for him, now he can use it as he pleases, but he wants to be thrifty, took some out to buy a new stereo for his car, but went out tonight to get it, finding they were all too expensive. I'm glad in a way bc what he has is just fine. He also said he would buy some supplies for D while he was out, again I said make sure he gets the money first, but he should really let D do his own shopping (and for dog food), otherwise he isn't going to learn. This evening when I went to feed the animals at about 5.30 D came back in his van; I put the dogs in after a run and he said he'd just had fish and chips from the van, said it's ridiculous cooking for just one, I said you're going to have to, many people do. There are still raedy meals in the freezer, more in the shops, but he just wants to not be bothered. My guess is he's been eating some nights at the pub when he's been gone all hours (I only keep an eye bc of the dogs). I know he has no money in his accounts, in fact the bank have refused some payments, I have witheld transferring money (nopt from my account, between his) until today, just want him to know, so he has had a letter from the bank giving him all the charges that will be against his account with each day he is over his OD limit. So, I am guessing, bc the pub owes him several hundred pounds, unable to pay bc of lack of funds, he is taking advantage and drinking/eating on tab so that he gets paid it one way or another. For someone who can't afford bread milk and eggs he certainly is out a lot.
So, I asked him how he was this evening, he said not alright really. I said you'll be fine. At least he has Sam coming and going, Sam has said he seems fine, but he obviously isn't working. Sam told me that mark was there today, and they were discussing a new 'business plan' to trade on Ebay, buy and sell. That'll be an onus on Mark bc D is not computer savvy, maybe he'll be able to do the buying, just up his street, and Mark the selling. Good luck to them. I found a job advert in the local shop on Monday, couldn't help myself, had to copy the details down and leave them for D to find the next day. I don't know if he phoned them or not, I think I'll move on.
This evening though I have written him a letter about the expenses for the Barn, how they are currently being paid, and that he can continue to pay me a weekly sum to cover some of them, and pay the rest directly, and that he needs to apply to the Council for a reduction in community tax bc he is a sole adlut at the property. That will be for him to apply for, but I have let them know and are sending him the forms.
otherwise he has been keeping away for the moment, I hope it stays that way but I doubt it.
today my mo9ther has had her surgery, I can't get hold of Dad to see how she is, and when I phoned the ward there was just a message from another nurse who wasn't looking after her so I don't realloy know how she is. I do understand, I phoned not long after the night staff came on duty and they didn't know their patients, and her nurse was busy. Anyway I wanted to talk to dad, tomorrow will have to do.
Yesterday late afternoon mum phoned to borrow some things for her admission and I went for a chat, we had to talk about AA's affairs, my dad is getting very stressed with the complications of her estate, and the other woman who lives there, and mum was getting upset bc AA had paid a lot of money that was her mother's (my grandmother's) into the property, and there are no deeds to say what had been purchased etc, now we need to try to recoup some money to buy AA's care, which might be several years worth, it's all rather convoluted. Anyway, my brother arrived, I didn't know he was coming, he always makes me feel on edge, he can barely look me in the eye. He is AA's Godson and executor to her estate on her death; mum dad and I had been talking for many minutes about things before he arrived, I felt equal, but then I felt like the invisible one that I had been all my childhood, I felt like all the hours and hours that I had spent with her, knowing her inside out were extinguished, and taken over by my brother who had seen her once or twice in the last year, and she didn't know him from the gardener. I had to make my excuses and leave, had an appointment with K, but just as I was leaving he asked me how things were with me, and I felt like I had to defend the position of my affairs. Oh, and he said a few weeks ago that he'd like to come with me to visit AA bc she knows me not him, and that freaked me out, having to do something so personal with him, maybe travel in the same car, said to K that I'd rather travel with a stranger, I feel terrible, bc he obviously doesn't feel the same now. Seeing K last night was good, I talked so much, and cried so much about my brother, she told me they were angry tears, I felt I was being ignored and treated as knowing nothing which is how it always was with my parenhts and him bc he's bright and he can talk and I don't feel brighyt and can't talk.
But how am I doing? I am better I think but too much is happening and I am confusing my feelings and struggling to take stock. I don't know how I will get on seeing Adele tomorrow, I didn't see hert last week when I really needed to and I felt she didn't want to see me, which I know is silly. But I do at least feel I have space to breath and not have to deal with D, even for 3 mins or so this evening when putting the dogs in he was grilling me about AA's affairs, I really don't know why, had to say it was being dealt with by dad (about the cottage)
I haven't replied to my solicitor yet, I must tomorrow. he sent me lots of letters all at once last week, and a draft of the letter he was proposing to send to D once I OK'ed it, but it doesn't say anything about him moving out to allow us occupancy, just that if he wants to buy me out he can, otherwise it will be valued and sold. I don't think I want that, but he did say he deliberately didn't say he would be removed if he didn't vacate, maybe so as not to rile him, but I want him to clarify that we can move back in a few months.
Can't remember if I wrote that I have written to D this evening laying out all the Barn's outgoings that he will have to be responsible for. I'm sure that won't be received well.
I'm sorry I know I've been rambling, I'm some and some tonight, need to sleep, still so exhausted all the time. I told Kitty today about the happenings, I was glad to have shared with her, she had been getting bits and pieces on a weekly basis, but hadn't pushed me if I didn't want to share. She was lovely, of course. Her Jack Russel puppy is arriving next week, i'll look forward to meeting her (she's taking the week noff)
OK, gotta go to bed, Poppy has gone before me, very unusual!
Hope you're happy with the election results (you don't need to answer that!)
Goodnight Kate, good to talk, ((( hugs )))
Ah, thank you Kate, I like feeling you here with me at the cottage, especially as you have seen pictures of it and so you can imagine it better.
I have had a tiring day again, tried to write to Mark my solicitor, get all his letters in order and a response to his draft to D mentioning that I'd like to move in to the barn with the kids til Poppy is 18 and not sell just yet, it's too much for me to consider, especially with things rather uncertain with Mum, so I have asked him to amend his letter to D.
Thank you for your prayers for mum, I know you have helped. She is doing OK, they approached the surgery with minimal incisions (laparoscopically/ vaginally) which means less time in hospital, so she should be allowed home tomorrow all being well. She could do with another day or two of enforced rest really, Dad said she had wanted to come out today and help at AA's cottage tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! I don't think she realises the extent of her surgery. Dad has declined meals, has eaten at the hospital today and found some leftovers yesterday. I am relieved to be honest. I had a long chat with Dad again about AA's affairs -I've had enough, he needs to hand it over to a solicitor- I suggested he write out a summary of everything we know, and what we want to know, and what we want to happen. It's the other woman being very 'cagey' not giving us information that is making it so difficult for us, we can't do it ourselves, it has to be done properly, so down the legal route we go, but we can justify spending her money for her ultimate best interests.
I took a chance this morning while D was out to gather up a few remaining things from the Barn that I wanted to have over here, and spend time with the dogs. I collected things for Poppy too, she still hasn't been back since Saturday so not seen D for days. The Barn is a mess but I just shut the door, don't want to be there, love being here, feels like a proper house and home. I've had the dogs here this evening bc D is out, I have been feeling distressed and guilty that they are having to spend so much time alone and inactive, especially Lola who just wants to play and play all the time. I sat out in the utility room on the garden bench with a cup of tea and the back door open, outside light on, throwing a piece of bark over and over, each time the bark getting smaller and more bits everywhere, but I was so happy just being with her and playing a monotonous game that she never tires of. I have just put the back in the barn, heard the air ambulance circling round and round, had heard it for at least half an hour before. Poppy said there had been an accident on the valley road, so I instantly thought of Sam (then D), Poppy phoned his girlfriend, and yes, he was back, he'd passed a landrover upside down being attended by a fire crew. I haven't seen Sam since I took him to the bus this morning. I hope he starts to come here more often, I miss him.
I worked with Kitty this afternoon, I felt closer to her today than I have done, maybe bc I have shared with her and I have no more skeletons. She is getting her Jack Russel puppy next Wednesday, I'm excited! I said yesterday anytime she wanted a puppy sitter..... So today she asked if I would 'sit' next Saturday when they all have to be out for several hours. I was happy- said I could bring Poppy. Poppy was happy too!
I saw Adele today, it was good to see her. We just talked about the divorce mainly, kept the rest of my worries away, apart from Sam, but we decided he could wait a little bit longer, I just need to get settled with how things are and get the letters sorted, about finances for Barn expenses, and the letter from Mark.
I must get to bed, seems strange not writing to you from my bedroom, it's good to be able to 'use' the house. That being said I haven't been able to relax and settle tonight, I have wanted to be tidying, putting things in place, just looking around me, what else would I like to do to make it perfect here... And eating....... too many biscuits!!
Goodnight Kate, talk tomorrow, thank you for your thoughts of me in my cottage, they make me feel warm and comfited
thank you. I have had a really tiring day and can't wait to go to bed! I spent the morning with my sister, sister-in-law and parents at AA's cottage sorting more stuff. Dad went to collect Mum at 10am and called at the cottage on their way home, they didn't stay long, mum wasn't feeling great, but she was glad to be out. So the 'sisters' and I bagged up stuff to take home for ourselves, (I didn't want much, had towels etc the other day), but they seemed to take forever! I wanted to go home for a quiet cup of coffee before seeing Ziggy, but it got too late.
Ziggy was great, she made me feel OK about how D was behaving, and to be tough against him. She went on a Tyco drumming weekend last weekend, the leader was a Buddhist, and at some point they had to recite a mantra- Abhaya- (meaning fearless as you may know) Ziggy gave me a copy, mostly repeating Abhaya in various ways, but also ‘Space’, ‘Peace’ and ‘Fearless’. It’s very strong, especially when I repeated ‘Peace’ over, 10 times quickly, 10 times gradually slowing. It was very ‘wow’!
I went to the Barn to feed the ponies when I got home, it was beginning to get dark. I let Lola out to play while I was there, but unfortunately D was home too, heard me open the door. He came across the field to me, started talking quietly to me as I was busy with the feed, had to keep asking him to repeat himself, it was annoying having him there. You’ll never guess what he was trying to tell me.................................
The accident in the valley was a drunk trying to outrun the police. He overturned his landrover on a bend and ran off into the woods. The helicopter was a police search copter, I thought it was odd that it was circling round and round for so long with a red light beneath it.
thank you :) A good day, not seen D, shopping with Poppy this am, home stuff this afternoon. This evening Poppy and I watched Finding Nemo, aww, so cute, I've never seen it through though we have the dvd. After I went to check the dogs knowing D was likely out. I brought them home here, left a note for D to say I had them. Lola has wanted to play ball ever since, Rubin just happy with a chew in his basket by the radiator. Now they are lying on my feet, a huge bed and no room to move!
It's 23.30, D has just been banging on the front door, the dogs heard it but didn't bark, I'm glad. I didn't answer it but it has set me feeling anxious in my tummy, it's sore enough as it is. I'll try to settle and sleep.
Yes the accident did make me think of D, I wondered why the police were in the valley anyway, they only usually come if they are tipped off, or if an accident happens like with D 5 years ago. He didn't 'run', but he left the scene before the police arrived, came home scared and opened a bottle of wine to try to cover up his alcohol intake before driving. The kids watched as the police arrived, questioned him, breathalised him and arrested him, took him to the cells in the city police station.
OMG he's banging on the door again, I am feeling afraid. I know, I should call the police..... he's banging and banging......
At last. He's gone.
Must sleep, goodnight Kate, need hugs
I am so glad that you are ok, Hilary Rose. And I'm sorry that Dave did that to you. How awful. But it is wonderful that you called the police and got them involved. You did the right thing. Dave needs to know that he cannot just abuse you like that and that if he tries, there will be consequences. Plus if he would try to escalate this, you already have a record of what he has done with the police.
Let me know how things go today and how you are feeling.
Thank you Kate,
Yes I'm kinda glad there is a logged incident, though they didn't see anything nor get to speak to him while he was drunk...
I know he was drinking for nearly 6 hours and that he was very drunk, Poppy told me she saw him briefly when she got back from her friend's house at about 1am. I told her that there might be a visit from police either here or at the barn and why. She said he only wanted the dogs. She said she had walked past a stationary police car AND an ambulance just down the road from here on her way home which was at about the time they must have been leaving me. I said that must have been something else, the ambulance had nothing to do with me. But it did, I remember the police woman speaking code into her walkie talkie, then one police man came back here to get the car keys, said I'd better move. It was at the point when I was struggling to speak and hold my head up bc I'd had my night pills and she asked me if I'd taken too many pills and whether I'd had any alcohol, I'd had a glass of wine earlier; but they didn't come in and they didn't say anything.
No news today though and no sign of D. I'm feeling really drowsy again, will go and have a rest while I can.
Thanks for keeping me up to date. It sounds like Dave is not handling this situation very well. And it is unlikely he wanted the dogs. It is more likely he was looking for a way to harass you. You mentioned that he never showed interest in the dogs before, so suddenly caring about them is most likely not going to happen.
I hope you are resting well. Talk to you soon,
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX been some and some, but now I'm over stressed and over done and can't talk though I want to badly. A police officer called on D, then came to see me, I just wanted a big hug from him he was so nice and kind, I cried a lot, and he was very reassuring that I must use all the help that I need.
My evening has been difficult, but i'll talk tomorrow, glad of a day off alone (or so I hope)
Hugs (needed) goodnight
Poppy is better today thanks.
I'll try to accept again in the morning, has been denying me access :(
I'm glad to hear that the police are giving the situation with Dave the attention it needs. Rest tonight and we can talk tomorrow if that works for you.