Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about this. I have to say that what happened between you and your girlfriend is not unusual. Most women who have any self esteem who are not on board for having sex outside the relationship would do what your girlfriend has done.
Let me ask you what happened between you when she found out. What was the discussion about between you?
Knowing more about how the two of you communicated about this may help see where she is coming from and whether she will be open to work on this. How long have the two of you been together.
When you say you cheated --- what happened? That is, how often were you with this other woman?
weve been together 3 months
it happened 2 times, when i was meant to be at a meeting.
When you said sorry what was her response?
she said it was over. i tried to lie my way out of it.
Did she know you were lying?
she said she couldnt take the lies
What would you like to see happen?
us to get back together...
Do you know why you cheated ?
being stupid and thought i could get away with it. its a distance relationship
Has this happened before in other relationships?
In other words is this a pattern that happens with you or is this the first time this has happened?
first time ive ever done this
What did you tell your girlfriend? How did she find out?
she said she could tell i was lying. she started questioning me and eventually i told her the truth when she said its over
What do you think of telling her that I know I lied to you because I knew what I did was not acceptable. What it did make me realize is how much I do care about you and I really want to work on the relationship because I realize how important you are to me.
ive tried saying something like that
And ... what was her response?
you lied to me
You see, if she is not willing to work on things it makes it very difficult.
we are still chatting and she keeps saying she cares about me and wants to stay friends
You can say, I know I did and I am deeply sorry. Is there anything that I can do to let you know that I really care about you and want to remedy what I did.
Well that is good that she said that and says she still wants to be friends.
How far away does she live from you?
ive tried asking is there anything i can do and she keeps scooting over the question.
273 miles i live in canterbury kent she lives in manchester
When, by the way did all this happen?
Oh, that's far!
So maybe since she says she still wants to be friends and that she care about you, hang in there and be patient --- see where it goes.
oh just dont mention what happened?
Is there any reason for you to see her in person. That sometimes helps.
You mean she says "oh just dont mention what happened."
no i was asking should i not mention anything that happened?
no reason to meet in person
Not right away, but pay attention to her cues --- close attention --- see if there is any opening.
For example, since there is no reason to see one another in person, keep up the telephone, texting, e-mail contact. Maybe after a few weeks you can see where she is at and suggest going to see her.
D O N ' T talk about other women.
Try for a few weeks --- maybe she'll calm down. See where it goes. Don't push it. I am here for you so if there is anything at all that you want to run past me just shoot me a question. All you need to do is put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your question and I will be the one to respond. Remember this just happened yesterday. Give her some time. To be honest with you most women would find this egregious. But hey, people can get past this and can work things out. Just keep in touch with her and then me to run anything you wish by me.
ok thankyou for helping
I am here for you.
I wish you well.