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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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boyfriend talking about a female colleague,talking about this

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boyfriend talking about a female colleague,talking about this colleague a few times,I have not interest,find it amusing as he continues to tell me stories about her,he said i'm jealous
I agree with you that this is not right if you expressed that this bother you. It is not about you being jealous, but rather respect on his part.
What type of way he is talking about her? Is he stating things that happened at work or talking about what he thinks of her?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He was saying how this girl broke her arm and he was able to get her a x ray in Radiology as he works there,then said the radiologist doesn't really let staff get x ray done but he did it anyway,then relayed a story that she was telling him, said how this girl was out with her boyfriends mother in the wood and came across two pigs,he thought it was amusing story to tell and then told me that Rachael (girls name) had made looked at another colleagues scar...(long story) and made a remark about it which he thought was v funny.. I didn't find it funny as I don't know this girl he is talking about so I had nothing to contribute to the conversation but was more amused at how he was talking about this girl, I left the room and he followed me in asking me was I alright..When pushed I explained why I left and then you know people develop crushes with people at work and maybe he had a crush,it was a statement but he took it as an allegation, he said it was hostile the way I walked off. He said if he was tailing about a male colleague I wouldn't have reacted and he wants to be able to tell me stories from his day and feels he has to watch what he sais in future.

Thanks for explaining. This does help me to better understand. I understand this hurt you and our feelings our are feelings. Sometimes they are not right nor wrong. I agree with you that people do develop crushes at work, but also there are a lot of small talk that goes on as well as stories that get passed around. He also needs to be friendly in a respectful way at his job. The fact that he thought it was funny and was sharing it with you leads me to believe that this was just an innocent encounter and nothing more. It seems to be what he has said and nothing more. He sees you as an important part of his life and wants to share these stories with you. I would be concerned if he was hiding this or more from you. The fact he talks to you about it is actually very good. You should not want him to feel as he can not talk with you about things since that can cause another set of problems. However, if he needs to listen and talk with people at his job then you can decide if you rather him not tell you and express that to him as well if that would make you more comfortable. As for this situation you can explain your side as you have, but sometimes our wording can come out wrong and cause the person to become defensive if they feel accused rather then discussing it openly. This is why our wording of what we feel is important. I think the reason he became offensive is because this truly was about what he thought was " a funny story" and nothing more, so when he felt you were not trusting him it hurt him more since he was being honest and just having a conversation with you. I would not worry about this, but rather I would look at your entire relationship. If overall you both have a good relationship and he treats you well with respect then I believe this was innocent on his part and maybe you can try and see it for just that, but if it is still hard for you then talk openly with him and maybe you both can come to a compromise about these types of issues.
I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Jennifer,thanks for your answer I do find it helpful!!!


 


He said he wouldn't mind if I talked about someone at work,but I don't as I have no interest in talking about a particular person,why would I,it just doesn't interest me and does;t interest me to tell my boyfriend... i might say one of the lads at work but not mention their name,this is what I find hard to understand.. I do know what you are saying but you know if I was chatting to a girlfriend and she was talking about a guy and mentioned his name a few times,I would prob say the same thing...do you like this guy... I think,If we talk about someone it usually means we have some interest..

It is my pleasure to be of help. If someone is talking about a story and they mention the name a few times I wouldn't say it necessarily means that they have interest. People go about telling the story different way. Just as you have no interest, but everyone is different. Some people may be more outgoing then others and does not necessarily indicate interest. However, if you see suspicions or him constantly talking about this person in ways that seem a little "strange" then that would be more concerning. Based on everything you explained it does seem innocent and again I would worry if there are other issues or if he tends to flirt with others. Also, if he were to talk in vulgar ways about others or how they think they are attractive and etc. These would be more worrisome issues, which I do see here, but your case seems to be innocent at this point.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you.....


 


He is a very friendly guy and popular etc....at the start of our relationship there was another girl at work and she used to text him,he was talking about her and said something like A.... would be sitting in the chair and i would try and hoist the chair on her,he thought it was funny to do this...Of course I didn't find it too amusing,btw she doesn't text him anymore :) ,although they are still friends..

He sounds like he is a funny guy and gets humor out of certain situations. It is good they no longer text. I would just choose what is truly a problem and what isn't. If you are hearing a story maybe try to see it from his view or say something like "your silly you think everything is funny" in a joking way and don't let it bother you. However, if you see someone is texting his or ect that would be something to discuss seriously.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks so much Jennifer!

It is my pleasure. Anytime! All the best to both of you.

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