How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

boyfriend talking about a female colleague,talking about this

Customer Question

boyfriend talking about a female colleague,talking about this colleague a few times,I have not interest,find it amusing as he continues to tell me stories about her,he said i'm jealous
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I agree with you that this is not right if you expressed that this bother you. It is not about you being jealous, but rather respect on his part.
What type of way he is talking about her? Is he stating things that happened at work or talking about what he thinks of her?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He was saying how this girl broke her arm and he was able to get her a x ray in Radiology as he works there,then said the radiologist doesn't really let staff get x ray done but he did it anyway,then relayed a story that she was telling him, said how this girl was out with her boyfriends mother in the wood and came across two pigs,he thought it was amusing story to tell and then told me that Rachael (girls name) had made looked at another colleagues scar...(long story) and made a remark about it which he thought was v funny.. I didn't find it funny as I don't know this girl he is talking about so I had nothing to contribute to the conversation but was more amused at how he was talking about this girl, I left the room and he followed me in asking me was I alright..When pushed I explained why I left and then you know people develop crushes with people at work and maybe he had a crush,it was a statement but he took it as an allegation, he said it was hostile the way I walked off. He said if he was tailing about a male colleague I wouldn't have reacted and he wants to be able to tell me stories from his day and feels he has to watch what he sais in future.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for explaining. This does help me to better understand. I understand this hurt you and our feelings our are feelings. Sometimes they are not right nor wrong. I agree with you that people do develop crushes at work, but also there are a lot of small talk that goes on as well as stories that get passed around. He also needs to be friendly in a respectful way at his job. The fact that he thought it was funny and was sharing it with you leads me to believe that this was just an innocent encounter and nothing more. It seems to be what he has said and nothing more. He sees you as an important part of his life and wants to share these stories with you. I would be concerned if he was hiding this or more from you. The fact he talks to you about it is actually very good. You should not want him to feel as he can not talk with you about things since that can cause another set of problems. However, if he needs to listen and talk with people at his job then you can decide if you rather him not tell you and express that to him as well if that would make you more comfortable. As for this situation you can explain your side as you have, but sometimes our wording can come out wrong and cause the person to become defensive if they feel accused rather then discussing it openly. This is why our wording of what we feel is important. I think the reason he became offensive is because this truly was about what he thought was " a funny story" and nothing more, so when he felt you were not trusting him it hurt him more since he was being honest and just having a conversation with you. I would not worry about this, but rather I would look at your entire relationship. If overall you both have a good relationship and he treats you well with respect then I believe this was innocent on his part and maybe you can try and see it for just that, but if it is still hard for you then talk openly with him and maybe you both can come to a compromise about these types of issues.
I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Jennifer,thanks for your answer I do find it helpful!!!


 


He said he wouldn't mind if I talked about someone at work,but I don't as I have no interest in talking about a particular person,why would I,it just doesn't interest me and does;t interest me to tell my boyfriend... i might say one of the lads at work but not mention their name,this is what I find hard to understand.. I do know what you are saying but you know if I was chatting to a girlfriend and she was talking about a guy and mentioned his name a few times,I would prob say the same thing...do you like this guy... I think,If we talk about someone it usually means we have some interest..

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
It is my pleasure to be of help. If someone is talking about a story and they mention the name a few times I wouldn't say it necessarily means that they have interest. People go about telling the story different way. Just as you have no interest, but everyone is different. Some people may be more outgoing then others and does not necessarily indicate interest. However, if you see suspicions or him constantly talking about this person in ways that seem a little "strange" then that would be more concerning. Based on everything you explained it does seem innocent and again I would worry if there are other issues or if he tends to flirt with others. Also, if he were to talk in vulgar ways about others or how they think they are attractive and etc. These would be more worrisome issues, which I do see here, but your case seems to be innocent at this point.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you.....


 


He is a very friendly guy and popular etc....at the start of our relationship there was another girl at work and she used to text him,he was talking about her and said something like A.... would be sitting in the chair and i would try and hoist the chair on her,he thought it was funny to do this...Of course I didn't find it too amusing,btw she doesn't text him anymore :) ,although they are still friends..

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
He sounds like he is a funny guy and gets humor out of certain situations. It is good they no longer text. I would just choose what is truly a problem and what isn't. If you are hearing a story maybe try to see it from his view or say something like "your silly you think everything is funny" in a joking way and don't let it bother you. However, if you see someone is texting his or ect that would be something to discuss seriously.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks so much Jennifer!

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency