How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. For the

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. For the past year I have been becoming less secure in the relationship, because he gets a great deal of attention from other women. In may I caught him wedging another girl. I broke up with him and he cried and begged me to take him back. I did. We are in 2 different schools this fall so I see him roughly once a week and we text, snap chat, talk daily. From good morning texts to goodnight. Being that I don't see him often, when I do, I know I have been rather clingy and needy, practically begging him at times to see me. Last weekend I found out he attended a party right down the street from my home. He never told me he was at the party and I found out the fact when I pressed him on where he was. He told me he didnt tell me he was going because I would have given him grief.which is true.. I need to work on my confidence. He is just so handsome and perfect, I know there are girls throwng themselves t him. My mistake, but he lied to me. He knew I dance he would attend the party and never told me till I basically forced him to. That night I stopped responding to his texts.. He tried to contact me 4 times. The next morning I woke to a good morning text but was Stijl upset from the night before, so I didn't respond for hours. When I responded he said we was not going to see me as promised and that he would be attending the state game. I texted him, and he didn't respond due to poor reception at the stadium. I feel as of I am putting 110 percent into the relationship and he is giving me 50. So when he texted he asked if things are ok. I said no, I'm unhappy and have been for awoke, he texted me too and promptly called me. After 23 minutes of conversation hebtold me he doesn't know if he wants me in his life. He is taking these next 7 days to decide and at the end of it he will call me with his decision. I am in honors college. I cannot stop crying and am sick with worry. With each day that passes, I realize he isn't thinking of me because he hasn't tried to contact me. I am beside myself. I don't know what to do, It is maddening waiting for the bomb to drop on Saturday. I love him so much and regret everything that I did that day. I have been needy and insecure. The situation escalated, I know he had no intention of breaking up with me. Or perhaps he has been waiting for the opportunity. His family and extended family all love me and I them.. Yesterday his mom texted and said I'm thinking of you this morning, I know this is so hard I am here for you you are like a daughter to me.hugs. what is 7 days going to do, and with each day that passes my hopes diminish
more. Feeling lost alone and unloved. So scared he won't be coming back. Dreading the phone call.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but I do commend you on the fact that you are seeking help through counseling as well as here. Try not to be so hard on yourself with this. You said that you used to be confident and you can get this back. Do not feel guilty and blame yourself for everything. It takes two people in a relationship to make it work. Yes, you can learn from your mistakes and be better for him or someone else in the future as well as yourself most importantly. However, he has done things himself such as lie and that incident with the girl. He also could have invited you to the party rather than go alone and hide it because you would give him grief. The fact that he lied instead of wanting you there is concerning and seemed as though he was turning the situation to blame you. I understand how upset you are and feel as if it will not pass, but try and look at the positive side here. Sometimes things happen for a reason and if he could not be trusted. Trust is important in a relationship. He

jenhelant :

He may

jenhelant :

He may say that it is your fault he lied, but the truth of the matter is that if he had good intentions he would have talked to you about this and worked it out before it got to this point,. He may have just been using this as an excuse to do as he wanted since his history shows he has done things in the past.

Customer: hello? I couldn't read anything after he may...
jenhelant :

Sorry had a technical issue

jenhelant :

It is there now

Customer: That's ok
Customer: So do you think this 7 day break means he ia with our relationship.
jenhelant :
jenhelant :

Anything can happen in this 7 days and it is hard to say his true feelings. However, I think what is important here is to take care of yourself. Of course it is natural to cry and good to let it out, but try not to let it

Customer: I wonder if there is another girl?
Customer: When I caught him with wedging in may , I broke up within
jenhelant :

get you to the point where you can not focus or do well in school. Stay strong and focus on other things right now because if ends up do wanting to stay in the relationship then you can be in a better place instead of a worse place in your life. Just the same as if he does not want to stay in the relationship still you want to be in a better position for yourself, the people around you, and another possible relationship.

jenhelant :

You did the right thing.

jenhelant :

Try not to worry if there is another girl and if there is do not compare. It was him also that needed to work on the relationship. Sometimes people take forgranted the person they are with and realize in the future, which may happen in his case.

jenhelant :

I would try to stay positive this week trying not to worry. Worry will only cause you more pain and stress for nothing. The end outcome will be regardless. If you stay positive you will be ready to deal with any of the possible outcomes.

jenhelant :

On another note I do understand you were insecure because he was good looking. What is important is the inside and the other person needs to pass this trust along to us. Try not to let the good looks intimidate you because if he loves you he will be with you regardless and it would be up to him to prove his trust to you. This goes for anyone really.

Customer: I meant sexting another girl...not wedging. Silly auto correct. I broke up with him then and n
jenhelant :

I imagined it was a word for like groping. Thanks for the clarification.

Customer: He begged me to take him back. He says I'm not the same girl he fell in love with. I've changed.. Yes grown up and are dealing with different life issues.. Everyone changes after 3 years don't you think?
jenhelant :

Sure, especially in the college years, but it is a good thing to change . We should all be growing and learning at any time in our lives, so if we did not change that would be concerning.

Customer: I haven't seen a response from you since the technical issue....
jenhelant :

Thats strange. Did you see this...

jenhelant :

Hello

jenhelant :

It is there now





<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:10 AM


That's ok




8:11 AM


So do you think this 7 day break means he ia with our relationship.




jenhelant says:

8:12 AM








8:13 AM



Anything can happen in this 7 days and it is hard to say his true feelings. However, I think what is important here is to take care of yourself. Of course it is natural to cry and good to let it out, but try not to let it






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:13 AM


I wonder if there is another girl?




8:14 AM


When I caught him with wedging in may , I broke up within




jenhelant says:

8:15 AM



get you to the point where you can not focus or do well in school. Stay strong and focus on other things right now because if ends up do wanting to stay in the relationship then you can be in a better place instead of a worse place in your life. Just the same as if he does not want to stay in the relationship still you want to be in a better position for yourself, the people around you, and another possible relationship.






8:15 AM



You did the right thing.






8:16 AM



Try not to worry if there is another girl and if there is do not compare. It was him also that needed to work on the relationship. Sometimes people take forgranted the person they are with and realize in the future, which may happen in his case.






8:17 AM



I would try to stay positive this week trying not to worry. Worry will only cause you more pain and stress for nothing. The end outcome will be regardless. If you stay positive you will be ready to deal with any of the possible outcomes.






8:19 AM



On another note I do understand you were insecure because he was good looking. What is important is the inside and the other person needs to pass this trust along to us. Try not to let the good looks intimidate you because if he loves you he will be with you regardless and it would be up to him to prove his trust to you. This goes for anyone really.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:19 AM


I meant sexting another girl...not wedging. Silly auto correct. I broke up with him then and n




jenhelant says:

8:20 AM



I imagined it was a word for like groping. Thanks for the clarification.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:20 AM


He begged me to take him back. He says I'm not the same girl he fell in love with. I've changed.. Yes grown up and are dealing with different life issues.. Everyone changes after 3 years don't you think?




jenhelant says:

8:21 AM



Sure, especially in the college years, but it is a good thing to change . We should all be growing and learning at any time in our lives, so if we did not change that would be concerning.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:21 AM


I haven't seen a response from you since the technical issue....




jenhelant says:

8:22 AM



Thats strange. Did you see this...






8:22 AM



Hello



Customer: Yes
jenhelant :

Hello?

jenhelant :

Do you see everything now

jenhelant :

It is strange.

jenhelant :

I copied and pasted everything I wrote. I was writing all along

jenhelant :

Did you get it?

jenhelant :

Hi did you get it?

Customer: No
jenhelant :

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but I do commend you on the fact that you are seeking help through counseling as well as here. Try not to be so hard on yourself with this. You said that you used to be confident and you can get this back. Do not feel guilty and blame yourself for everything. It takes two people in a relationship to make it work. Yes, you can learn from your mistakes and be better for him or someone else in the future as well as yourself most importantly. However, he has done things himself such as lie and that incident with the girl. He also could have invited you to the party rather than go alone and hide it because you would give him grief. The fact that he lied instead of wanting you there is concerning and seemed as though he was turning the situation to blame you. I understand how upset you are and feel as if it will not pass, but try and look at the positive side here. Sometimes things happen for a reason and if he could not be trusted. Trust is important in a relationship. He





8:07 AM



He may






8:10 AM



He may say that it is your fault he lied, but the truth of the matter is that if he had good intentions he would have talked to you about this and worked it out before it got to this point,. He may have just been using this as an excuse to do as he wanted since his history shows he has done things in the past.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:10 AM


hello? I couldn't read anything after he may...




jenhelant says:

8:11 AM



Sorry had a technical issue






8:11 AM



It is there now






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:10 AM


That's ok




8:11 AM


So do you think this 7 day break means he ia with our relationship.




jenhelant says:

8:12 AM








8:13 AM



Anything can happen in this 7 days and it is hard to say his true feelings. However, I think what is important here is to take care of yourself. Of course it is natural to cry and good to let it out, but try not to let it






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:13 AM


I wonder if there is another girl?




8:14 AM


When I caught him with wedging in may , I broke up within




jenhelant says:

8:15 AM



get you to the point where you can not focus or do well in school. Stay strong and focus on other things right now because if ends up do wanting to stay in the relationship then you can be in a better place instead of a worse place in your life. Just the same as if he does not want to stay in the relationship still you want to be in a better position for yourself, the people around you, and another possible relationship.






8:15 AM



You did the right thing.






8:16 AM



Try not to worry if there is another girl and if there is do not compare. It was him also that needed to work on the relationship. Sometimes people take forgranted the person they are with and realize in the future, which may happen in his case.






8:17 AM



I would try to stay positive this week trying not to worry. Worry will only cause you more pain and stress for nothing. The end outcome will be regardless. If you stay positive you will be ready to deal with any of the possible outcomes.






8:19 AM



On another note I do understand you were insecure because he was good looking. What is important is the inside and the other person needs to pass this trust along to us. Try not to let the good looks intimidate you because if he loves you he will be with you regardless and it would be up to him to prove his trust to you. This goes for anyone really.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:19 AM


I meant sexting another girl...not wedging. Silly auto correct. I broke up with him then and n




jenhelant says:

8:20 AM



I imagined it was a word for like groping. Thanks for the clarification.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:20 AM


He begged me to take him back. He says I'm not the same girl he fell in love with. I've changed.. Yes grown up and are dealing with different life issues.. Everyone changes after 3 years don't you think?




jenhelant says:

8:21 AM



Sure, especially in the college years, but it is a good thing to change . We should all be growing and learning at any time in our lives, so if we did not change that would be concerning.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:21 AM


I haven't seen a response from you since the technical issue....




jenhelant says:

8:22 AM



Thats strange. Did you see this...






8:22 AM



Hello






8:22 AM




It is there now





<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:10 AM


That's ok




8:11 AM


So do you think this 7 day break means he ia with our relationship.




jenhelant says:

8:12 AM








8:13 AM



Anything can happen in this 7 days and it is hard to say his true feelings. However, I think what is important here is to take care of yourself. Of course it is natural to cry and good to let it out, but try not to let it






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:13 AM


I wonder if there is another girl?




8:14 AM


When I caught him with wedging in may , I broke up within




jenhelant says:

8:15 AM



get you to the point where you can not focus or do well in school. Stay strong and focus on other things right now because if ends up do wanting to stay in the relationship then you can be in a better place instead of a worse place in your life. Just the same as if he does not want to stay in the relationship still you want to be in a better position for yourself, the people around you, and another possible relationship.






8:15 AM



You did the right thing.






8:16 AM



Try not to worry if there is another girl and if there is do not compare. It was him also that needed to work on the relationship. Sometimes people take forgranted the person they are with and realize in the future, which may happen in his case.






8:17 AM



I would try to stay positive this week trying not to worry. Worry will only cause you more pain and stress for nothing. The end outcome will be regardless. If you stay positive you will be ready to deal with any of the possible outcomes.






8:19 AM



On another note I do understand you were insecure because he was good looking. What is important is the inside and the other person needs to pass this trust along to us. Try not to let the good looks intimidate you because if he loves you he will be with you regardless and it would be up to him to prove his trust to you. This goes for anyone really.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:19 AM


I meant sexting another girl...not wedging. Silly auto correct. I broke up with him then and n




jenhelant says:

8:20 AM



I imagined it was a word for like groping. Thanks for the clarification.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:20 AM


He begged me to take him back. He says I'm not the same girl he fell in love with. I've changed.. Yes grown up and are dealing with different life issues.. Everyone changes after 3 years don't you think?




jenhelant says:

8:21 AM



Sure, especially in the college years, but it is a good thing to change . We should all be growing and learning at any time in our lives, so if we did not change that would be concerning.






<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:21 AM


I haven't seen a response from you since the technical issue....




jenhelant says:

8:22 AM



Thats strange. Did you see this...






8:22 AM



Hello








8:23 AM


<div class="JA_chatMsgContent"Customerhas stepped out of this chat.




8:23 AM


<div class="JA_chatMsgContent"Customerhas entered this chat!




<div class="JA_chatMsgAuthor"Customersays:

8:23 AM


Yes




jenhelant says:

8:23 AM



Hello?






8:24 AM



Do you see everything now






8:24 AM



It is strange.






8:24 AM



I copied and pasted everything I wrote. I was writing all along






8:24 AM



Did you get it?






8:26 AM


<div class="JA_chatMsgContent"Customerhas stepped out of this chat.




8:26 AM


<div class="JA_chatMsgContent"Customerhas entered this chat!




jenhelant says:

8:26 AM



Hi did you get it?



jenhelant :

I just sent you the entire chat

jenhelant :

Do you see it?

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I switched it to question and answer, so maybe you can now see everything that was written. You can still respond just as I can, but will go to your email instead.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency