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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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Met online.. connected & relationship developed. We committed

Customer Question

Met online.. connected & relationship developed. We committed to each other and had a marriage ceremony online. 3yrs together. He's 26, I'm 47. He's Transgendered and was abused when a child. I trusted him, believed him and then 5 months ago found out he had been cheating/messing about with other people online. Questioned his ability to be with only one gender & deciding he needed to have both a man & a woman as partners. This was not acceptable for me so I broke off the relationship. He has since told me he regrets pushing me away and was absurd in his thinking and only needs me. Missed me and never stopped loving me. I never stopped loving him. I don't trust him now though, not fully, and while I know I will never find another love such as we feel. It just seems he needs a lot of time and therapy to get his life in order to be stable. I'm not sure how to balance being friends, being a part of each others lives without being together again while he gets his life together. It's been terribly painful for us both emotionally. When we do talk now and spend time together virtually we seem content and calm but everything that has happened between us it feels strained at times. How do we set boundaries, support & care for one another as friends without tripping up into becoming lovers again... and how can he re-build trust with me... how can I ever trust him again? How can we work on trust issues together?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.

Dr. D. Brown :

Welcome Friend, I am so happy you're here! How are you doing tonight?

Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Chat ended as I was typing.

Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
I am here if you'd like to re-enter the chat room.
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry if we got disconnected but I am still here- please let me know if I can still be of help. Thanks!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

How do I get back into a chat with you and/or get an answer/advice on my situation I submitted?

Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
Hello again,

I hope you are still there. Trust is something that is the foundation of a good relationship and when there is a rupture or betrayal, it takes time to get that trust back. Not only time, but shared experience which is positive and can recreate trust. Does he want to be friends too? it is very challenging when two people have been romantic, but it can be done. I would recommend asking him what he wants/needs at this time and see if both of you can figure out a common ground of what you want together as you move forward. Give it some time- both of you are very vulnerable right now. You can create new boundaries and a new commitment as dear friends if you decide the marriage isn't going to work, but you will have to be very clear on what is/isn't acceptable for both. I hope this helps.
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience: 21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
Dr. D. Brown and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Alright. Thank you. It helps.. it's a start.

Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
Hi Lilly,

How are you doing? I was just checking back with you to see how things are. Please let me know if there are any other questions/concerns you may have.

Be Well.
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
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