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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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i was in a perfect relation wid my ex bf since nov 2011. he

Customer Question

i was in a perfect relation wid my ex bf since nov 2011. he did evrythg to keep me hpy. but i ws really vry vry rude, bossy n mean to him.
dis aug he said to me that i can only b friend nohin more. but still he was coming over 4 dinr n was calling me evry evening. i was pushin him to be my luvr again.
in 1st week of sep i cried, begged, did drama in front of his work place , nothin happened. i cut my wrist n wrote i luv u n gv me a chance to ur gal. he said i m pushin him away by doing all this.
in last week of sep on my bday, he cm to tk me out 4 dinr n i started drama gain in car, so he dropped me home widot dinr. but called after 20mins to apologize for his angry behaviour. he sais if i think evryth wil b ok by tm, den i shd wait n not create scenes or get impatient or put pressure on him. dat was the last time i saw him. since den he nvr called me as well.
next morning he called me to say that we cnt hv any future. its not possible. move on. dat was last time he called me.
if i call him, he always talks to me. but said to me that he is only my casual frnd. if i need help, i cn call him anytm.but besides that he has no topic to talk on. nature doesnt changes. so we r two different personalities. we hv no future.
so i m trying limited contact since sep 2012. but evrytm i talk he talks so angrily n rudely n talks to me as if m bothering him n i shud hang up. i texted him off n on dat he is being rude to me n m getting hurt.
i called him last week to say hi. he said plz leave me alone. whn i ll think u r acting as a frnd i ll call u myslf. which he did. he called me last wednsdy to say hi. dats all. may b he realised dat he is hurting me n he was guilty or he luvs me...i dont knw...
i called him dis last sunday after 4 days to say hi, cz i dnt want to cut off connection which allows him to forget me completely n move on. but he is askin me to not contact him at all. dont knw wat to do..??
i said hello. jst called to say hi jst casualy as friend n he said he cnt b friend to me cz its difclt to b a frnd to sum1 whom he had feelings for. if i hv prob, i cn call him n he ll help me humanity sake. other than tht -U N ME FINISH. move on. i undrstnd we r indians n u r 28 n havin alot of pressure to get married. so move on.
i m jst 25 n i hv alot of work probs n visa probs. need to settle my future n visa first. n i cnt marry sum1 for another 3-4 yrs. so dnt wan to think abt that topic now. i hv learnt my lesson hard way. luv, relation, gals are all stupid. nvr evr m goin to get involved again. i cnt gv u or any1 chance again. m hpy wid my free life. freedom. alcohol, boy's company. dats all i want. i dnt wan relations for naother 4-5 yrs. plz leave me alone. when i ll think u r a frnd i call u myslf. bye.
PLZ HELP- i think he luvs me n hv feelings for me. but they are deep hidden in all dat mess. n he doesnt wans to revive dem. i tried evrythg but all in vain. he doent wans to talk to me. doesnt wans to c me cz i cn imagine dat he dsnt hv courage to face me. he dsnt wans me to text him anythg romantic or related to past...
den wat shd i do to get him back..?? m rady to wait for him no matter wat. but how to change his indian egoistic, adamant nature to gv relation a chance again. i knw he has probs n he is stuck n cnt marry. but m talkin abt startin luv relation again. wat to do.. i cnt liv widot him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra : It sounds like he feels he can't give you what you want. That's how he feels, but that's not how you feel. You just want to be with him, marriage can wait until he can get married but right now he is missing out on having a relationship and living you.
Deardebra : He needs to understand that you deserve another chance to show him you have changed.
Deardebra : You know what it is like to not be with him and you miss him in your life. Now it is you turn to show him that your focus is loving him and not getting into arguments.
Deardebra : He has to see why you might argue and this is because you have so many feelings for him. You love him and you are someone that just reacts.
Deardebra : That is your personality.
Deardebra : But he looks at it as you can't be in a relationship with him because you just react. You are only reacting on how you feel and that is ok. It doesn't mean you both shouldn't be in a relationship together.
Deardebra : I think he feels maybe there is another way for you both to solve problems. You both need to sit down and talk about how you feel so that it doesn't get to the put where you are arguing.
Deardebra : He needs to be reassured that this relationship can be better. He is afraid that he will give you all his love and you might leave because you are looking for more. I feel he thinks you will want to get married and won't wait, but he needs to know all you want to do us love him.

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