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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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What should i do about my ex girlfriend?

Customer Question

What should i do about my ex girlfriend?


We went out for a year, on and off. We finally broke up during April. Spoke up until May, but stopped talking for a month and a half. During which time she briefly saw someone else and i was diagnosed with depression. She called me during July and we spoke everyday but I spoke to much about my depression and sucidal feelings which scared her. We stopped talking at the beginning of september, but i text her to the end of September because i missed her. Stopped talking to her for about 40 days only saw her at work and didnt speak to her there either. Sent her a text last week with no reply, but saw each other at work and it was the first time we connected for a long time. I text after work on the friday but again no reply and saw her on saturday but didnt say hello. While we always had problems during our relationship, it always felt special and she is someone who i miss and love still. Im not sure if she is seeing someone now, but i know that she still logs onto my facebook account with my password. What should i do?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I’d like to help you with your question.

It sounds like things in your relationship have deteriorated to the point that you both are no longer communicating, even though you both still seem interested in each other. She is using your Facebook and you still try to talk with her. That shows that both of you are thinking of the other a lot.

It may help you to decide if you still feel the relationship is worth saving. Whatever broke the two of you up would need to be addressed. If you feel you both can do that, then the relationship still has a chance.

If you decide that you can make a go of it, then you may want to make it clear to her that you want to try again. And to do that, you may have to go to see her or write her a letter. That way, she at least sees what you are trying to say. Texting her is quicker but it doesn’t have the same impact as a personal letter or seeing her face to face.

Once you make contact, let her know how you feel. You may want to practice this ahead of time so you can easily say it. Be prepared for her to reject the idea at first. Depending on how she reacts, you can try again.

However, if you decide to move on or your ex won’t listen to you, then you may want to work on letting the relationship go. It is not easy and it takes time. It is ok to grieve over your loss and allow yourself to feel bad for a while. Try getting as much support as possible to help you through. And if you feel that after about 6 months or so you don’t feel any better, you may want to talk to a therapist to help you work out your feelings.

I hope this has helped you.
Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.

If you end the relationship, you may find this resource helpful:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

Kate





May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer.
Thank you so much!



Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Kate, I do not want to break up with her. This girl means everything to me, she is the one person who can change my mood and make me happy even when I'm upset,angry etc. the problem is because of what happened with me telling her my sucidal thoughts I hurt her and scared her and pushed her so far away, while I'm not that same person she still won't talk to me. I think that she might be seeing someone else but I still miss her and hurt everyday. How can I get her to talk to me? I've tried texting her but its very unlikely she will talk to me in person. She pretends to hate me but the fact we were laughing together on Friday and we spoke briefly about the past showed to me that it was just an act and the fact she goes onto my Facebook as me means she is still intrested In me? What can I do?
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.

You cannot force her to talk with you. The only thing you can do is try to be friendly and see if that helps her warm back up to you.

If she is still going on your Facebook account, she may be curious, simply nosy or she may be interested. It is hard to say exactly what she is thinking or feeling. But if she is looking at your account, she is still thinking about you, which may be a good sign.

The only thing you can do is to be as nice and kind as possible. Look for chances to speak with her but don't pressure her. It is up to her whether or not she responds.

Kate

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