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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Thank you for your advice - I am trying not to think about

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Thank you for your advice - I am trying not to think about him and I am annoyed with myself that I suddenly want him so much when I didn't want him before. I always held back on introducing him to my family and friends - but suddenly I am thinking that if he would take me back I would. My mind seems to be playing tricks on me as now all the things I found boring I would love to hear him talk about and I now don't care about his age and kids. Is this still a reaction to being rejected or did I really make a mistake and let a good thing go? I wish I could stop thinking about it all. Maybe I just sabotaged the relationship because I thought I could do better...that's what worries me the most.
I'm sure that your mind is doing all sorts of things about this. Have you tried contacting him and telling him all of this? If this is an option, maybe you should try to have some sort of closure with him. If it is not an option, then you have no choice at this point than to stop dwelling on the past and as I said, use it as a learning experience to move on. In my opinion, I think that you are just looking for that security that you originally found in him and if you did get back together, you may very well fall back into that pattern that you were in before. Decide if you really want to try and work it out and if you can contact him and have a talk with him about all of this in an honest way. If you thought you could do better, maybe you can?
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I did speak to him about how I felt but he said had made up his mind about us - that we tried but it didn't work because I had been non-committal. He was also confused about why, when i had not been into him, I was suddenly so into him just because he was walking away - I guess I may be answering my own question here...The one confusing thing is that he has been sending me sweet messages, wanting to meet up and has told me that he still has feelings for me but that a relationship would not work. I have now cut contact with him because I do not want to be in limbo. He has joined a dating site but yet still was contacting me every day - I guess he just wanted to keep me around for his own selfish reasons. I really just want to stop thinking about him and come to the conclusion that he wasn;t right for me - I wish my brain would cooperate and stop playing tricks on me!!

Things will get better as time goes on. If he said he has made up his mind, then you have little choice but to move on. I agree that he is sending you these messages to keep you around until he finds someone else on his dating site. You were right to cut contact from him. It's the best thing to do. You will probably never stop thinking about him because he was a part of your life and you cannot erase things that happen in your life. It is how you deal with the people and events in our lives which shape our personalities and our futures. Give it some time. Try to keep yourself occupied with work, hobbies, etc. whatever you can.

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