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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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5 years and 7 months ago, just 3 months after our wedding,

Customer Question

5 years and 7 months ago, just 3 months after our wedding, I came home and caught my husband in front of the tv, naked, with porn playing. This was not the first time I had caught him, even though whenever I tried to discuss this with him he had always denied it. It is not the fact that he was masterbating to porn that hurt me. It was that he lied so many times about it, and on at least 2 occasions, turned me down, and then went and did that. It hurt, and I felt, because of this, almost as if he were cheating. There has been a serious lack of communication in our marriage about this, and I simply can't seem to get over it. I feel like he is always lying and 'cheating' now, and don't like how suspicious I have become. Is there any way to fix things?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
I understand your emotions. This is often the case in this situation that a partner feels betrayed. Porn is not a substitution for intimacy unless he wants it to be. He needs however if this is a compulsive behavior. Porn can be very impulsive and this can almost become an addiction. This has nothing to do with you but instead is a behavior that he compulsively does. There are sexually impulsive people that do not see this as cheating and feel compelled to engage in this. They will lie and find ways to do this to feed that compulsion. You need to find a counselor for him or as a couple that has knowledge in compulsive behavior. This will help you fix this and truly diagnose the problem and how serious that problem is. This can be a sexual disorder. To really know you have to find outside help. With guidance this can be completely resolved and may even increase the quality of your intimacy. The key is whether he is willing to address this. That is how a situation is fixed and things will improve.

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