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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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my husband has decided to go to America for 2 weeks to stay

Customer Question

my husband has decided to go to America for 2 weeks to stay with facebook friends. This is totally out of character for him. He still wants me sexually but won't cancel going. Is he having an affair or going through a mid life crisis?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.

jenhelant : Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. The reason for this trip could be due to the reasons you mention or many other things. There really is no way to know unless he talks with you about it. It is very inconsiderate for him to do this without at least talking to you about it. It is also impossible for you to work on the situation yourself if he is unwilling to communicate. Communication would be the first step. I do not know if you would want to leave him if he does not discuss this with you because then you can let him know that. This could be a possibility to make him realize you are serious. Does he generally talk with you about issues?
JACUSTOMER-2q9t47b4- :

we always used to talk about everything until he started playing farmville on facebook until 3am

JACUSTOMER-2q9t47b4- :

We have been married for 20 years and have a 15 year old son. I have been going through menopause for the last couple of years and havent always wanted to have sex.

JACUSTOMER-2q9t47b4- :

i still love him very much and want our marriage to work out. I feel so totally out of control as all the cards seem to be in his hands. Does this usually mean that he is having or wants to have an affair or is he just going through a phase where he wants to please himself and sod everyone else. Selfish stage! Which is totally out of character?

jenhelant : Sorry I was having technical issues. I now see what you wrote and will read and respond.
jenhelant : I do think he can be going through a stage. It does not always signify an affair. Something is surely going on within him because as you state this behavior is totally out of character. Therefore it should be something that should pass. You have invested many years together, have a son, want to make it work, and this is not like him, so I do believe that you should do all you can to wait and see if this can be worked out. Express to him how you feel about this as you have while also being patient at the same time analyzing his other actions as well as a whole.
jenhelant : At this point since he does not want to open up and you really want to make it work you may need to go through this phase with him in order to get to the next step with him then go from there. I see you are offline now. When you come back maybe we can chat. I will check back later if you have responded, so I can then reply to you. Again, my spologies for the delay.
jenhelant : *apologies

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