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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I am in a long distance relationship and have been for a year

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I am in a long distance relationship and have been for a year now. My boyfriend makes the effort to text but I have to make the effort to go the distance to bring us together. I am trying to get a house where he is so we can be together as I love the city he lives in. He wants to get married eventually. My problem is he always leaves me to get us together and I wonder if he cannot come to me is he really that interested?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation. It seems truly frustrating.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What does make you believe that he is truly interested and shares the same affection and commitment you do if he has not shown real effort as you have on sharing together in a reasonable way when possible?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your relationship is very young, so marriage should not be considered any soon, but after this one year it seems that this is not a reciprocal relationship. You said you have tried moved on several times but it was unsuccessful since he did not want you to go away. This scenario apparently shows a manipulative and selfish approach, where he does not take into account your feelings and needs, while wants you to stay attached to him.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is unacceptable for an adult person to be this selfish in a relationship and to refuse to even talk about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

Totally agree. a relationship is based on both people making the effort and can only be successful if both parties put in that effort.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. For relationships to develop as healthy and fulfilling ones, both partners must share same value and belief systems, core needs and expectations, set the same main priorities and be totally reciprocal, otherwise people would use, abuse and neglect partners.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would not recommend anybody in your shoes to relocate in a scenario like this, unless you have good reasons to do so, but never to leave social support system, job, life behind to start everything at a new place based on the expectations a relationship with these issues would work and make things fine.

Customer:

thank you for your answer. i agree that it would be a mistake to pursue this person

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you have tried to leave and move on many times and he has pushed you to stay while not making any changes at all but keeping this unacceptable approach, I do not see how things could improve with time. I suggest you not to trust words but only concrete actions, and to take good care of yourself, being truthful towards yourself about what you need and want from a relationship, thus you would not waste time, energy nor expose to something that is not truly healthy and fulfilling.

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