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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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i was in perfect relation wid my ex bf since last nov 2011.but

Customer Question

i was in perfect relation wid my ex bf since last nov 2011.but i was really very rude n bossy. he just said to me in aug 2012 dat he cn just b a frnd n nothin more. but he was still very caring n used to come to c me every evening.used to tk care of my all needs.but i was being very pushy n i ws pressuring him that i want u bck as my bf not as a frnd.i cut my wrist n wrote wid my blood dat i luv u. he said that all wat u r doing is pushing me futher away.i cried n begged.nothin happened.i went to his work one day n said that i wont leave untill u fix everythg.i created a scene at his work place n also threatened him.all this in beggining of sep 2012. but he still kept contact wid me. then he came on my bday to tk me out for dinner after all this in last week of sep.on that nite i started same drama again n he got pissed off n dropped me home without dinner. but called me after 20 mins to say sory.dat was the last time i saw him.since that he never came to c me.but worst,never called me again.but whenever i call him,he always answers n talks to me wid respect.but he says to me everytime-if u have any problem u can call me anytime, ill get help u.other than dat i hv no other topic to talk on.since last 1.5mnth, m trying limited contact wid him to gv him space.whenevr i call him he nvr talks to me at all except-yes m fine.wrk is ok.talk to u later. i texted him few times dat u say dat v r friends,then y u dnt talk to me at all.he sais whn i ll feel dat u r just a friend, i ll call myslf to check on u.last wednsday, he called me to say hi but nothin else.nw ystrdy i called him aftr 4 days to say hi.he said yes i m a frnd, but just to help u nothin more.i cnt b a frnd to a persom whom used to hv feelings for.U N ME-EVRYTHG FINISHED.dnt pressurise me.i hv no belief in luv n relations anymore.i dnt wan any gal in my life again.i luv my boy friend's company,alcohol n freedom only.m stuck wid my visa conditions here,i hv wrk pressure here. m stuck. m just 25 yrs n cnt marry anyone till nxt 4-5 yrs,so i dnt wan to get into this trap again.i dnt wan to start all dis again in my life whn i cnt promise u future.i suggest u to move on n find sumone as u r 28. plz leave me alone n whn i ll feel dat u r behavin like a friend, i ll cal u myslf. he said dat ystrdy again. NOW,
i really knw that he is trapped in a worst situation regarding his visa n wrk n i knw there is no other gal in his life at all. i feel dat he luvs me.he has got feelings for me.but coz of this mess, he cnt feel them anymore.he dsnt wans to c me cz he dnt want to revive those feelings,he realises he is hurting me.so he cnt face me. and coz he dsnt knws abt his future,he dsnt wants to hold me for him. so he acts strongly on phone n tells me to move on. we hv no future. i dnt wan any responsibity or relations now.m confused n dnt know wat to do abt my life.so plz leave n dnt pressurise me.
QUESTION-
1) i luv him truely n ready to wait for him no matter wat.m not joi,i am. but are there any chances that i can get him back, cz i feel he luvs me... but not sure that its his guilty makin me call him or his hiddden feelings which he cnt admit..??
2)if there are any, wat shd i do to get him back slowly slowly..?? i dont want to leave him alone cz i knw that will make him forget me n move on wid his life. i dnt wan feelings to b dead by passage of time. but also dnt knw hw to get him bck, cz he dsnt wans to talk or c me. he dsnt wans me to text him luv msgs or any sentimental things otherwise he vil cut all sort of communications.
i m not going to give up at all. but wat shd i do to get him back, whn he made me clear ystrdy that he cnt b friend to me, is not goin to call me for casual talk or vil cm to c me. its just humanity that if i need help, he vil help me.
plz show me the rite way to get him back. i cnt live widot him. n m not goin to gv up. thanx
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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