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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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So on Thursday I went to my boyfriends house to get something.

Resolved Question:

So on Thursday I went to my boyfriend's house to get something. Earlier in the day in class he wasn't really talking to me and was just talking to his friends which he usually includes me in the conversation. So I went over to his house and I was prepared to talk about what happened but when he opened the door, he acted like nothing happened. We just hung out for a little while and made out. Then he told me that I had to leave cause his mom was coming home soon. We kissed goodbye and I told him that he should come over tomorrow to watch a movie but he said probably not cause he has to go visit his dad the whole weekend. I said ok. I texted him when I got home just saying hi and all he said back was hola. I texted back with a whats up and no reply. The next day I didn't bother texting him cause I knew he would be busy at his dads so later that night I noticed that he changed his relationship status on Facebook. Like it just says in a relationship on wall, but when you click on about on his profile, it dosen't show an relationship status. I freaked out, but before I found out, I did text him just saying I love you cause I missed him. After finding out though, I was praying he would reply. I didn't, so I texted him 2 hours later saying hey are you ok? you are really startin to scare me. No reply. What should I do? I'm planning on calling him later tonight to see if he will answer but I don't think he will.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi,

Customer:

Hello

jenhelant :

That does sound strange what is going on especially if everything was fine before. Could be an error on facebook since it does show he is in a relationship in one part, but his actions do seem like something to be concerned about especially if this is not his normal behavior. I would stop the texting for now and call him like you are planning to. Communication is very important. You did good giving it time to see how things work out naturally while also not being overly aggressive. Your responses seemed perfect to me the way everything was handled. From here talk with him and see if something is going on. Try not to judge or insinuate when you talk with him. Rather as you had texted him as him if

jenhelant :

everything is okay and if he is going through anything that he needs to talk about. Try and get him to open up rather you guessing his feelings since that can cause him to become defensive. Rather state

jenhelant :

Your concerns and ask him if everything is okay and that you are worried about him. Go from there based on his responses.

jenhelant :

This way you both will be on the same page. May not be a problem in your relationship it could even be something personal that he is going through that is causing him to withdraw.

Customer:

Also, he rarely gets on Facebook. I was surprised that he made an effort to get on Facebook at 11 on Thurday night 6 hours after I left his house to change his status. The last part about what you said that something personal is making him withdraw, in mid October he had to go to a retreat and when he came back on monday, he was thinking about becoming a priest. I didnt know what to do other than to be there for him. After that weekend, he didnt really act like is usual self, like no more good morning text or saying I love you alot, but still showed affection towards me though.

jenhelant :

Oh, I see That could have a lot to do with it since from what I know about certain priest they can not marry. If this is the type he is thinking of becoming he my have a huge amount on his mind. He may even be confused of what he really wants since his feelings for you may be strong. He may be battling with this inside of him. This conversation between the two of you will get you both on the same page. Even more so due to this try to be understanding and not upset during the talk since it does not seem to be about you personally or another person. Also, he will be more inclined to talk with you. On another note if it does have something to do with this retreat I would suggest you recommend to him to take time and think things over before rushing into something. Some retreats can get you into something for the wrong reasons, so if he takes time to decide and make sure he is making decisions for the right reasons that would avoid future issues within himself. I do hope it works out for you both either way.

Customer:

Yeah it surprised me too because we are both Catholic but go to different churches. I got confirmed 3 years ago but he still has to. Though before he left for the retreat, he was interested in becoming a civil engineer. I dont think he really knows what he wants yet. He is just a junior in high school. I'm a senior though. Do you also think that after Facebook and not texting back for a few days means that he wants to break up...the hard way? Thats what I instantly thought yesterday.

jenhelant :

He is still so very young and has time to decide. I would not take any drastic steps at this point. There is no way to really know what he wants or is trying to do. Seems like he probably doesn't know. This retreat seemed to have gotten him thinking and he may need time to organize his feelings. Talk with him that would be the best first step then go from there.

Customer:

yeah I agree. Do you also think that after all the Facebook drama and not texting back for a few days means hes breaking up with me the hard way?

jenhelant :

Its hard to say. It would not be a nice way if he is doing that. He could be afraid to tell you, but still would need to end up telling you anyway or it would leave you guessing. Don't know what his plan would be in regards XXXXX XXXXX I think its best to talk because then you will know if this was his way of breaking up or if there is something else going on as we spoke about. I know it may be scary to do, but it is only fair for you to know if indeed he was trying to break up, but could be far from the truth and maybe his issue. In that case it will rest your nerves as well.

Customer:

Yeah for sure I want to know whats happened or what went wrong. Since he is not responding, he is scared to be honest cause it will hurt me, but it hurts even more not knowing the truth. I am still afraid though that if I call him tonight, he won't answer. I plan to leave a voicemail and hope he'll at least hear it. I was just going to say that we need to talk, like tonight, tomorrow or sometime soon. And whats worse is that I see him tomorrow in class. I just don't know how is going to act.

jenhelant :

I

jenhelant :

I am having issue with this chat I will switch it , but we can continue there.I underst

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Sorry about that technical issue. I am here now.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yeah for sure I want to know whats happened or what went wrong. Since he is not responding, he is scared to be honest cause it will hurt me, but it hurts even more not knowing the truth. I am still afraid though that if I call him tonight, he won't answer. I plan to leave a voicemail and hope he'll at least hear it. I was just going to say that we need to talk, like tonight, tomorrow or sometime soon. And whats worse is that I see him tomorrow in class. I just don't know how is going to act. What should I expect?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I understand what you are saying. You have a right to know either way. I agree it does hurt more without knowing and it is not fair to you at all. Don't worry about everything that may happen. Start with the call and if he doesn't answer then leave him that message. You may get to talk before you see him. Then if you don't when you do see him you can ask him if you both can talk at some point. Make sure its either phone or face to face at a quiet time and place when neither of you are in a rush.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok. Thank you! This really helped a lot. Thanks!

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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