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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Weekend and membership/organizations attended

Resolved Question:

Hi, It's me.Customer My counselor is jenhelant but if she is not available, any expert can answer this (1) Is it polite to ask him "What keeps him busy during the weekend?" and (2) How do I find out if he is a member of an organization or support group or club, etc that he regularly attends to?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, How are you? How as everything been since we last spoke?

jenhelant :

I don't think its rude to ask him about what keeps him busy on the weekends. That would be a good conversation started and also help you get to know more about his likes and pastimes.

jenhelant :

I don't think there is a way to check within your city if he is a member unless you call each club and organization individually and will need his full name. Still they may or may not be able to tell you depending on their policy. However, by making small talk with him this can give you an idea as if he belongs to any clubs or etc. The more you both speak then the more you will end up knowing about him. That may be the best way to find out.

jenhelant :

I see you are offline. When your back we can chat.

Customer:

Hi Jen, good to talk to you again. Last time you were offline, I ended up with Dr Adam G. He answered some questions but I want to ask you again.

Customer:

I noticed that everytime I say XoXo in my email, he would not reply and will completely ignore that email. So I emailed him using my personal email. Just an experiment bec I was “guessing” that maybe bec it’s business email he wouldn’t be receptive. Viola! He replied back, he’s reply was nothing romantic but at least he’s not ignoring my emails with Xoxo anymore. When I have something to say I use my personal email. So I separate the “slightly seductive” emails from the “strictly business” emails. It works for now. He is impervious but I think I was able to step into his personal zone a little bit. Very tiny little bit.

Customer:

We had a meeting regarding Sharepoint which is converting to paperless, etc. So he was invited to the meeting as it is very related to compter, etc. I said that Sharepoint only does file management not emails. One has to print pdf the email to convert to file and then store in Sharepoint. Imagine this – he completely contradicted what I said. But because I like him a lot I wasn’t even offended, I actually was turned on for his intellect. He seemed to be the one offended when I discredited Sharepoint.


 


I apologized using my personal email. I said I apologize for my inadmissible remarks on Sharepoint. He replied back “You never said anything inadmissible.” In other words, we’re friends again. No more enemies.


 


On another email (also personal email address) I said that “sometimes I say something that annoy the attorneys at work. I said, I thought I was starting to annoy you.” He replied back, “no, not at all.” Again the personal email works bec he’s opening up, I hope it gets more intimate. Right now it’s still a little casual.


 


We were going to have an meeting on Nov 1st, so I said using my personal email, “do you have plans on Halloween? If you do, don’t get drunk because we need you the next day.” He replied back “lol, I’ll keep that in mind.”


 


I got him to be friendly with me, how do I sustain the friendship and convert to more romantic conversation/relationship?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
That's GREAT!!! The personal email was a great way to get him to open up. He was probably afraid to say anything on the business one. I would say keep it friendly for now since you are now getting somewhere. Keep this up and then switch it up to more romantic. Who knows he may even before you :)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Because of the personal email, he's more responsive, I believe that if we have a common "club" or "organization" or "support group" outside work, then it will be easier for him to express his feelings and we will be both free to enjoy each others company without inhibitions.


 


I will email him to ask him what keeps him busy over the weekends. But when the right time comes, I will verbally ask him what organizations or clubs he attends. I just need your help on the proper wordings. I really appreciate it.


 


By the way the rating is all grayed-out. This happened last time too. Please send me a rating request that's not grayed out so I can submit my rating.


 


Thanks and I will update you with what happens after I ask about his weekends in email and later, I will let you know about the clubs and organization - just if you can help me with the proper language - Thanks,


 


Customer/p>
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Great I think that is good and can't wait to hear what happens from here. I think about the clubs you can say something like "I was thinking of joining sometime of club for a hobby or to be more active are you involved in anything or recommend any". That could be an option. Let me know what you think about that.

Let me know how the box looks I can't send a request myself, but if it continues let me know and I will let the moderator know.
Thanks for letting me know thus.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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