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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Customer Question

My wife has been rude and has been misbehaving with my parents, in past she has caused severe mental trauma to my mother, due to which our relations has been strained. recently she had showed her anger and rudeness to my parents when they emotionally expressed their unhappiness about my life in last 1 year. Due to here incorrect behaviour I have told her it is difficult to life together in such a way. Now I moved out of the house and spent night at a B&B. My wife went to her cousin's place after threatening my parents of a legal action, now her family is causing trouble to my parents in India and sending threatening emails to me. We both are Indian citizen, but I have been in UK since 2008, my wife joined me Jan 2012. I do not think that our marriage will move forward moreover her family is not defaming me and my family without our social circle , which is causing me mental tensions . She has been happy with me most of the time, only when i ask her to get more involved in family [my parents] she creates problems. She goes along with me around UK, have happy pictures on facebook and is generally in love with me [or shows like that] but now blames me of involving with another women and mental harrasement, when in reality my parents and myself are under mental stress. What should I do ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, I would like to help. Do you have an idea of why she treats your parents like this? Also, how long has this behavior been going on?

Customer :

Soon after she came to UK she was unhappy of my parents involvement in my life.I think She wanted an independent way of living away from my parents , anything that my mother says to her she took it negatively. I have told her before marriage that my family is very important to me and my family has a lot of say in my life, she has accepted this before marriage but after coming here, she found it irritating to keep a constant touch with family. Since my parents are alone in India and have medical problems it is my responsibility , but she was not supportive in that , which caused stressed to me since i had to manage my personal life and family . I was okay with this and managing, but the arrogance and arguments have become too much and now almost unbearable. Specially when her parents are defaming me in India. and She is threatening me of police case , I have emails from her cousine which is abusive and threatening of "some Action" against me even if they had to go out of their way to do this.

jenhelant :

I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand how sometimes it can irritate a partner when the family has too much involvement because usually a couple will make their own decisions without extended family involvement. However, in your case it is different because you were honest with her and she was accepting of this. In that case she should be more accepting and supportive of you. I don't understand how she could be threatening "action" against you. If you have done nothing wrong then the police and courts will see the truth out of he entire situation, so I would not allow her to munipulate you with this. Are you wanting to stay or leave? What is your goal with this relationship and what is she wanting at this point?

jenhelant :

Hi

jenhelant :

Are you still there?

Customer :

hi

Customer :

sorry , yes i am here

Customer :

hi

jenhelant :

That is okay. What are your thoughts about what wrote.

Customer :

I do not see this relation going anywhere, she has left house yesterdya to her cousine's place ...but now she is asking me either for a ticket to India or come and live in the house

Customer :

I cannot live in the same house becuase things might go worst , also she is on my dependent visa so it is my responsibility to provide her shelter in any case

Customer :

should I provide her ticket to India ?

jenhelant :

IIn

jenhelant :

This case it may be best to just give her the ticket back. If you see no way to work things out and she is your responsibility then would be best to do that.

Customer :

ok, can she file a case in India and push me to go to India or affect my Indefinite Leave to remain in UK due next year ?

Customer :

And can I file a divorce petition in UK ?

jenhelant :

I am sorry these particular questions you would need to ask an attorney.

jenhelant :

I do not know if you got my response about the plane ticket. Did you because I do not see it for some reason.

Customer :

Ok, Can I file a divorce petition in UK if I am married in India but resident of UK ?

jenhelant :

If not I will rewrite it

Customer :

I got following "This case it may be best to just give her the ticket back. If you see no way to work things out and she is your responsibility then would be best to do that."

jenhelant :

yes, Thanks

jenhelant :

I know various places allow you to do a divorece eif in

jenhelant :

To do a divorce even if different countries, but

jenhelant :

Not sure about uk.

jenhelant :

YOu would need to contact an atty to know exactly.

Customer :

would just ask be able to help me with attorney just now ?

jenhelant :

Yes

Customer :

ok what I need to do ? and how much will it cost ?

jenhelant :

You can ayou can ask that question same as you did this, but in legal sectionsk that question

Customer :

can we convert this chat session to legal ? or i will need to start a new session ?

jenhelant :

Not sure about pricing. sorry about the typos my chat has not been working well today

jenhelant :

Since

jenhelant :

We started already you would need to start a new one

Customer :

ok thanks

jenhelant :

No problem

jenhelant :

Anytime

jenhelant :

All the best to you

Customer :

thanks

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