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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My girlfriend of 3 years ended our relationship about 2 weeks

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My girlfriend of 3 years ended our relationship about 2 weeks ago. We were still talking about getting married up to a short while ago. After living together for a year, we had to go long distance because of work commitments. She got a new job that she loves in another city. I wanted to live somewhere else and put a lot strain on our relationship. I also became needy and immature all of a sudden. She started seeing an old friend, I can't help but think I drive her into his arms. I want to win her back, I feel that she is the love of my life. What can I do? I feel that I'll just annoy her by trying to call and plead.

jenhelant :

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I do agree with you in how you feel. I think contacting her more would not be good. I think by giving her space this may show her that you are moving on. Sometimes when people seem think they have the person they then take them forgranted. Before you give her space I would suggest writing her one final letter. In that letter let her know how you feel, what you would do differently, and etc. Also, let her know that you choose to move on from here and will no longer contact her. Let her know that you wish her well. I think this is best because not only it will give you closure if she does not want anything any longer, but also she will see you are serious about moving on after she sees no more cntact after that letter. If she truly loves you then here feelings will come back and contact you. At that time you can reevaluate your situation to see if indeed you would want to be back with her. I think this is best at this point since begging will just make things worse. Especially since this type of behavior is what may have drove her away. I know it is not easy, but taking this step is truly the hardest. When you get passed her things will get easier with each step. I wish you gentle wishes and please let me know if I can be of further help.


Thank, you I have already written that letter a few days ago. It contained pretty much what you said. The hardest thing is to overcome the urge to contact her and plead to reconsider. It is very hard for me to understand how we went from talking marriage and kids to her not wanting anything to do with me in such a short amount of time. It has put me on an emotional roller coaster ride where I can't sleep, eat or concentrate on work. I truly believe, we are meant for each other, we shared so much and loved so much. Thank you for the advice.

Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
It is my pleasure to help. I do understand how frustrating this is for you due to the huge change. Hopefully she will come to her around and come back to you in order to save your relationship. Hopefully this is only a phase for her and she sees she can lose you if she does not change. I think you already took the first step now just take care of yourself and don't be so hard on yourself due to this. The more you grow and take care of yourself then you will feel better not only if she doesn't come back, but if she does then you will be ready for her all the more so.

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