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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. In that

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. In that time I've caught him cheating on me 5 times and he is a compulsive liar. He does make me happy and I can tell him everything, but the trust really is not there anymore. Lately, I have been wanting my space and getting irritated at everything that he does. I don't know if this is the end or if I should try and work it out.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am sorry what you are going through. I understand how upsetting this can be especially since you gave him many chances. Whether or not you should stay or leave really depends on his reactions as well as your feelings. There needs to be both in order for it to have a chance to work. You need to love him enough and be able to forgive him in order to move forward. This does not mean everything is good and he can be trusted. This is just the first step more for you in order for you to remove the hurt from you and not allow it to control you. However, to make the relationship work the most important is his reaction to his behavior. He needs to apologize and get help that he needs. He also needs to be patient with you and not try and turn the situation around. I see many men who think they say sorry and expect everything to be perfect. They then get upset at their partner when they do not trust them or question things. He needs to understand the questioning and have patience in order to prove he has changed. If he is unwilling to do this then it can not work despite what you do. He is the one that caused the issue, so he needs to deal with the consequences and try to overcome them. This does take time. I would even recommend a break even if you do stay and try to make it work because if he sees it to easy then the process may repeat as it has in the past. He needs to see you are serious and will not accept thus behavior then he would need to prove his change over time. The two of you can see each other during this process, but it would be a working it out phase and he would need to know that things need to change or there will be no more working it out. I would say to be friends during this phase, so he sees a change. Usually people take forgranted the people they love when they think they will always take them back. If he sees this is not the case it may "wake him up".

I wish you gentle wishes and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have actually broken it off with him twice after I had found out. Both for about a month. He kept claiming that things had changed and it was different for the first few weeks, then it went back to the way it was before. Every time I go to break it off I get scared and cannot do it even though I believe it would be in my best interest in the long run.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
If you have done this before than yes at this point it may be best to do it long term until he is truly ready to change. I know how hard it is, but believe me taking that first step is the hardest. Once you do that it does get easier. You can then take care of yourself and learn from this experience. You deserve someone who will love and be faithful to you. If he sees you are moving on there is that chance he will truly change, but I would not believe it or take him back anytime soon. In the future you can always reevaluate your situation to see if you would want him back in your life at that point. Try and stay positive and I know it is hard to do what you know is right, but it does heal with time and you will feel better than ever before. Staying will just bring you down. Try and take the necessary steps to be good to yourself and put yourself in a better place. You have control of your life and are stronger than you think. With each step you take you will gain more strength and feel better.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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