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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I have been with a man for close to three years. During this

Resolved Question:

I have been with a man for close to three years. During this time we have moved into a house which we are renting together. He has also bought me an engagement ring. The problem is the he is not divorced. He left his wife two years previous to us meeting and was living with roommates when I met him originally. We broke up once when I finally told him until he files for the divorce we can't be together. He did file and also proposed to me. We told friends and family with a bit of hesitation to tell his daughters. I keep asking what is happenning with the divorce and I get many excuses including to name a few wife asking for lifetime alamony, the lawyer didn't call back, the lawyer is sick just to name a few. I am totally confused with the situtation since he keeps telling me he loves me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help. Besides the fact that it seems he is trying to stall the divorce how is the relationship between the both you besides that. Are things good or would he give you any reason to believe he does not want to marry you?

Thanks,
Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have an engagement ring and we have talked about getting married next September. Of course this would be impossible if he was not divorced. He seems to be sincere but not the ring shopping was also non eventful we went to the mall and picked out a ring then picked it up together and went out to dinner. He keeps promising to take me to our beach spot and propose but this has happened yet.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your response. If you feel that overall you both have a good relationship then I would not worry to much about this. His excuses may very well be real or it just may be very stressful for him to go through. Some people tend to push things off that they feel "ruin" there day to day life. The fact she wants lifetime alimony can be very worrisome, so seems like all this could be the issue he puts it off in addition to the real excuses.

Seems like romance and the "surprise" factor is missing. Even though sounds like it was a nice evening together ring shopping and dinner. This does not mean he doesn't care of love you. Some men are like this and there is nothing wrong with that. If these things bother you then I would try mentioning it to him. Let him know in a nice way. First tell him how you feel for him and just nicely mention that it would be nice if he does what he says he will do about the proposal. You both already picked out the ring, so not sure if you would want to mention how you felt about it. But just tell him your feelings about the situation. He may not realize how it bothers you. Also, let him know that you understand divorces are difficult, but you are there for him to be a support. However, would be happy if it could get settled soon, so it could be a thing of the past.

I wish you all the best to your future together. Please let me know if I can help further.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


This is true we are happy together but it does bother me that the divorce is taking so long and our life is on hold. I am having trouble with if I should wait and how long I should wait.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
That is good. Before you give yourself a time frame for leaving. I would have a serious talk about the divorce. Let him know that it really needs to be done asap, so the two of you can move on with you lives together. If things do not improve then you may want to give him an certain time frame to get it done. I do think it may be difficult for him, but he still needs to do what needs to be done to continue on with life.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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