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SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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Hi, this is kind of a strange question as i just dont

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Hi,
this is kind of a strange question as i just dont know why he has done this ....

It starts like this ,
5y ago i was on on-line dating and i meet an amazing man who i was never intermrnt with but had a starnge but interesting friendship with. We only went on a few dates and very different ones. Later he bought a house i had found we were both interested in and also use to say i was the one he would marry to his friends , yet he always left me waiting and stood up most of the thim, then i finally told him through a letter how i felt and he said he did not feel the same and to spread my wings and forget about a stupid fool like him. So thats what i did and started to travel and chase a new career. Now its been a few years and he is a very smart and well traveled and educated man with an amazing career and life under his belt. So out of the blue last week he called me from south africa (im in australia) to tell me he still wanted me to know i was a friend to him and he also was over his current carrer with oil and gas and wanted to come home and back to people who really understood what life was about like me. Then he asked what has been happeneing in my life and as it has been a ruff year i was open and true to him about what has happened and he just complemented me at every stage and also keept on praising me and telling me he was no longer the man i knew a few yars ago and he also still wanted to have a sexual night with me some time when he was back and also talked of where he would like to live as i am in very very remote australia and he has explored it well in years past. WHY ?? is my question , how can he go from running from me to just being so suportive ?? Just dont understand
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.

Well you guys have know each other for five years. So although he was standing you up, you were still apart of his life. Probably more than most women that he knows. When he told you to move on, that is what you did. Good for you!. Now, after not hearing from you from a while, and him knowing you for so long, is probably dawned on him that he missed you. (Maybe as a friend, maybe more). So that it why he called, and to now here that you are doing better, it probably made him more attractive to you. Since you were not the type of women to sit around and wait for him to come around.

 

Now, If I were you, I would not have sex with him. You do not want him to think that he can just make phone call, after so long, and hint around sex, in hopes that you will give in to him. Maybe that was what he was hoping. The only real way that you will know his intention is to just continue to be his friend. If he continues to call and check up on you on a regular, then you know that he is interested in you. If he continues on this pattern of standing you up and disappearing. Then he probably is jut calling from time to time to see if he can get lucky with you. On the flip side, he may actually care about you and be a changed man. But only him being consistent with you, will you know what his intentions are.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


:) ... when he did hit me up about sex i did say "good luck with that as you need to get into my head first" he sighed and i answered "just putting the challenege out there"


I know he has had a very tough time with women and a lot abuse him for his actions. He was married before like myself and badly hurt , like myself. His issue i was told by his friends when i first meet him was he was still in love with his ex wife as he did pre school through to high school with her and then married . He did once ask me if i would do all the trips with him they did as he wanted to be with some one who really loved him. He has never been mean to me or rude or unkind , just his communication is really crap lol. We use to rescue animals together on our dates. I am a very strong and confident women but around him im like a shy little school kid and i even find it hard to talk .. When i do he sits and listens intensly to what i have to say. But i know in the past i stuffed up as for some reason i found i could not hide anything from him and just loved writing to him but 2 times a day mmm WRONG .. but i have grown since then and as i have hit my lowest of my life last year in every aspect. But every part has made me change too from the women who cowered to him in the past .... But now im stuck with him in my head again every 24-7 ... Ahh

Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.

It is okay for him to be in you head. You like him. The thing that you do not want is for him to use the fact that you like him against you, and continue with crappy communication. Next time that he asked to have sex with you, you can joke and say, I don't have sex with people who do talk to me on a regular. You are saying it as a joke, but you are also letting him know that if he wants to go further with you, then he needs to improve his communication. Do not have sex with him once he talks to you more. But just put it out there, to see if he is really serious about you. Because if he is, then he will get the hint and try harder.

SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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