How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
13551071
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi there! l really really need some help.....dont really know

Resolved Question:

Hi there! l really really need some help.....don't really know what else l can do....so my exbf and l been together for 3 years....we were quiet unhappy so l decide to move on hoping that maybe being apart l would managed to understand what made our relationship going down....after 4 months he came to see me and he told me that he's seeing this girl for 2 months but they relationship is strictly based on sex...that's all.....l get upset in a way....but when he left l though l'm completely fine with that.....!Next day l started to realise that l'm loosing him...and l did everything l could possible do to convince him that braking up with him was a huge mistake....first he says that he's still has some feeling for me....but he lost any hopes of being together again.....he also says that we should try to see that our ways r different and that we need to accept that....but l didn't stop....l kept sending him messages trying to remind him of our lovely times together ....l send him a huge bouquet of flowers and some pictures with us....and then l went to his house ask him to come and talk....!he was quiet rude.... saying that our relationship was waste of time ....and that l need to understand that" us" doesn't exist anymore....l begged him for one last chance but he completely refused!l know how to make thing go good this time ...but how can l make him believe in us again...please anyone.....l'm falling to pieces...every day....l really need some advice on how to get him back.....please! thank u!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am sorry you are feeling this way and I understand how frustrated you must be right now. However, at this point the best thing is to not contact him. I understand how hard that must be, but you have already told him everything you need to say. The only chance left is to not contact him. I know it seems counterproductive, but if you keep contacting him it will cause him to react as he did in a rude fashion. I would take care of yourself and let him see you independent. If he sees you contacting him all the time that will just cause him to see you in a different light. He needs to see that you have moved on and he has lost you. Some people take forgranted things they have and when they see they lost it they then want it back. You will feel better also. I know now it seems like things can never get better and I see this a lot, but I promise you if you give yourself time you will feel better. It makes is much harder the fact the way he is acting towards you, so that even makes you want him more. Now its time for you to show him you are positive and independent. Then if he truly loves you he will realize what he is loosing and if he doesn't then at least you will know the truth about him sooner than later. That way if it doesn't work out you can find someone who truly loves you and you can take this as a learning experience. In any case time does heal wounds. Just try and take little steps thinking about yourself right now. Do things to make you happy that doesn't involve him. In a few weeks you could then contact him to say hi see how he is and let him see how you are then doing. Things can take a turn when he sees you are not smothering him. I wish you gentle wishes and I am here for you if you need further help.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency