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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi there! l really really need some help.....dont really know

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Hi there! l really really need some help.....don't really know what else l can my exbf and l been together for 3 years....we were quiet unhappy so l decide to move on hoping that maybe being apart l would managed to understand what made our relationship going down....after 4 months he came to see me and he told me that he's seeing this girl for 2 months but they relationship is strictly based on sex...that's all.....l get upset in a way....but when he left l though l'm completely fine with that.....!Next day l started to realise that l'm loosing him...and l did everything l could possible do to convince him that braking up with him was a huge mistake....first he says that he's still has some feeling for me....but he lost any hopes of being together again.....he also says that we should try to see that our ways r different and that we need to accept that....but l didn't stop....l kept sending him messages trying to remind him of our lovely times together ....l send him a huge bouquet of flowers and some pictures with us....and then l went to his house ask him to come and talk....!he was quiet rude.... saying that our relationship was waste of time ....and that l need to understand that" us" doesn't exist anymore....l begged him for one last chance but he completely refused!l know how to make thing go good this time ...but how can l make him believe in us again...please anyone.....l'm falling to pieces...every day....l really need some advice on how to get him back.....please! thank u!

I am sorry you are feeling this way and I understand how frustrated you must be right now. However, at this point the best thing is to not contact him. I understand how hard that must be, but you have already told him everything you need to say. The only chance left is to not contact him. I know it seems counterproductive, but if you keep contacting him it will cause him to react as he did in a rude fashion. I would take care of yourself and let him see you independent. If he sees you contacting him all the time that will just cause him to see you in a different light. He needs to see that you have moved on and he has lost you. Some people take forgranted things they have and when they see they lost it they then want it back. You will feel better also. I know now it seems like things can never get better and I see this a lot, but I promise you if you give yourself time you will feel better. It makes is much harder the fact the way he is acting towards you, so that even makes you want him more. Now its time for you to show him you are positive and independent. Then if he truly loves you he will realize what he is loosing and if he doesn't then at least you will know the truth about him sooner than later. That way if it doesn't work out you can find someone who truly loves you and you can take this as a learning experience. In any case time does heal wounds. Just try and take little steps thinking about yourself right now. Do things to make you happy that doesn't involve him. In a few weeks you could then contact him to say hi see how he is and let him see how you are then doing. Things can take a turn when he sees you are not smothering him. I wish you gentle wishes and I am here for you if you need further help.


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