The key to any personality change is first awareness, which you have...and that is wonderful. Seeking change is a sign of great personal strength. You have also taken steps to finding yourself in other ways as well such as prayer, meditation and so on.
However best practice in these matters dictates that the key to change is accountability. Like iron sharpens iron we need another to work with us and help us reach the personality changes that can elude us without that support. In this manner we take our emotions, feelings and fears and put them out for another trustworthy person to assist us. By doing so, and checking up with this support person on a regular basis, you can almost guarantee change in a positive direction.
How should you do this? You appear to be a spiritually oriented person. Talk with a person of similar faith or, in my opinion, seek out the services of a compassionate and caring therapist. Therapists are trained to assist you to find ways to change; will hold you accountable to them, and can help make connections to your present difficulties with your past.
New techniques in counseling speed this process compared to years ago and I would encourage you to ask your family doctor for a referral to a locally available therapist. (Doctors often know the best local resources in this area, as do universities that have counseling programs.)
With support you should be well on your way to achieving the growth you seek. Steven