How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7328
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rev.Dr. August Abbott is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Good Morning,

Resolved Question:

Good Morning, My husband and I had a big fight and my daughters are really mad at him and kids. We are still together and the fight happen 8 months ago. However, I oldest daughter is getting married in May and will not invite my husbands children. My husband said he will not go to the engagement party or the wedding. I have been fighting with my daughter to do the right thing and she refuses. I want to put my foot down and not go but I cannot bring myself to do it. Any advise you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Jackie 


 


 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 1 year ago.
Good morning, Jackie, I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples and families for 20 years. Weddings are certainly a difficult time for most blended families. First and foremost, make a commitment to your daughter right now that you will be at her engagement party and wedding, whether your husband is or not. The wedding is her time and should be about her and her wishes. She needs to know that her mother will be there for her on her big day, period. Now for the family problems. It is good that you have several months before the wedding. I strongly recommend that you and your husband find a couples therapist, preferably a Marriage and Family Therapist. Whatever you fought about 8 months ago was significant enough that it is still dividing the family and probably the two of you. In fact, your daughter could be carrying your anger at your husband that has not been resolved. If your children see that you are working to resolve things, it will impact them positively. Your MFT can even bring your children into therapy a couple of times to work out the existing problems. Having a professional "referee" works wonders in resolving big family issues. So if you are willing to seek that help, your family can begin to heal much sooner than May. You could even have pleasant holidays. You may go to www.TherapistLocator.net and www.psychologytoday.com to search for family therapists where you live. I hope this is helpful. Chat back if you need anything further. If you are satisfied with my answer, please submit a positive rating for my work. I wish you, your husband and family healing, take care, Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
Ask Eleanor and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 1 year ago.

I fully agree with Eleanor when it comes to seeking counseling in this regard. There are clearly deeper issues in play here.

--- While the counseling is vastly the superior option, with wedding plans underway it's difficult to find a moment to get to that.
-- As both a counselor and etiquette teacher, please let me help with the etiquette side ok?
-------
Husband is correct in feeling slighted and his children should be as well. To-the-point advice for mother of the bride is to let her daughter know that the grace she behaves with on this day (or the lack of grace) will echo in her life forever. It is simply not worth planting the seeds of resentment and ill will when the bride has the opportunity to show everyone how elegantly open hearted she can be, even to people she's not fond of.

The bride would be enabling herself with tremendous power by not only inviting those children, but going out of her way to be nice. From that point forward, that side of the family would have a high goal to live up to, OR they'll just look bad for not being as gracious

It's 'just one day', but it's a day so important and special that everyone will remember it for all the years to come. Surely the bride wants to be remembered for her style and diplomacy rather than for her bad feelings, low brow behavior and vindictiveness. Propriety dictates the husband's (step father's) children are invited. To violate this protocol doesn't do anything except reflect poorly on the bride.
---

Again, Eleanor's suggestion is certainly preferable; however, if there is no time or room in your schedules that's understandable too and she and I wanted to provide you with every aspect to choose from.

Thank you for this opportunity


Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7328
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Rev.Dr. August Abbott and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 1 year ago.
Hello again, your question was apparently sent to 2 categories, Relationship and Etiquette. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I received your question in the Relationship Category and responded as such. Thus my answer was focused on healing relationships in your family. I have worked with many families over the years in similar situations and have had great success. I hope you will seriously consider family therapy. Whatever you decide to do, I hope your daughter's wedding is full of peace and grace, Eleanor
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

My husband was also invited. Should he go as well? Thank you, Jackie

Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency