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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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My husband cheatered on me 2years ago with a friend i still

Resolved Question:

My husband cheatered on me 2years ago with a friend i still struggle with it every day,i know he trys hard to make our lives better and he has changed and it is for the better he is more attentive and loving towards me but in the back of my mind i always reflect on how easy he lied to me and kept it from me for quite a few months,he continued to lie not only to me but to himself.I also struggle with thoughts of him being intermit with someone else i am trying to move forward but sometimes it is so hard,i have two grown daughters and he did tell them what he had done i feel one of my daughters struggles with it as much as i do can you hope in any way.
Jenny
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 2 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.


 

Ask Eleanor :

I am very sorry to hear that you are still struggling emotionally with your husband's affair, but I am not surprised to hear this. Did the two of you go to couples therapy or each of you to an individual counselor?


 

Customer:

ok thanks

Ask Eleanor :

Did you receive my response?


 

Ask Eleanor :

Are you there, dear?


 

Customer:

it was individual counselling but with the same counselor


 

Ask Eleanor :

Not good. No wonder you are not over his affair. The two of you need to go to couples therapy and he need to own up to the affair in the presence of you and your therapist. And you need to be allowed to express all of your feelings about the affair and him as well. It is in couples therapy with you will be able to rebuild trust. He cannot restore your trust in him simply by making promises or being more attentive. This as not worked and will not work. Have you asked him to go to couples therapy?


 

Ask Eleanor :

please excuse the typos


 

Customer:

no but i can ask him to me he seems to just want to forget about it ,he tells me he has made the worst mistake in his life but he get uncomfortable talking about everything that happened


 

Ask Eleanor :

I see. Well I would certainly ask him. If he refuses to go with you to couples counseling, then he is really not committed to having a healthy, emotionally intimate relationship with you. In this event, I would strongly recommend that you return to individual therapy to help you sort through your feelings and decide if you can live with things the way they are. It is very unfair for him to expect you to just forget about it. You are hurting and he needs to realize that you cannot simply get over it because it makes him uncomfortable to talk about what happened. It sounds like he is making this all about his feelings and not yours. Do you have any further questions for me?


 

Customer:

no i will see how i go


 

Ask Eleanor :

Okay. I want to tell you that I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and having been working for 20 years. with couples where there has been an affair. I can tell you that with professional help marriages can become even stronger after an affair. I hope I have been helpful to you. If you are satisfied with my answer, please submit a positive rating for my work. I wish healing for your marriage, take care, Eleanor


 

Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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