How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been married for 21yrs and havent been happy for a very

Customer Question

I've been married for 21yrs and haven't been happy for a very long time....my husband is very insecure and has acussed me of leading men on because they are always looking at me...after all i had to have done something to have them look! I have always been faithful and stayed at home raising our kids....about a 1 1/2yrs ago a old friend looked me up on face book.....we we just friends in high school...well long story short we fell in love and was having an emotional affair...he lives 3000 miles away....we had plans to leave our spouses and be together for the rest of our lives when his son graduated in June of next year...well his wife knew about me and thought that he stopped talking with me...he promised her for the kids sake...well, last weekend she found out about everything by hacking into his e-mail and read everything we were saying to eachother...he e-mailed me and said that he was going to go to marriage counseling with her and try really hard to make it work out for his families sake....I was devestated when i read that we were done...just like that....i even spent money to enroll in school to study Phlebotomy so that "we" would have two incomes to make it work....he knew about all of this and still just shut the door on me...he told me that i was his soul mate and never felt the connection that we had with anyone else...he told me that he would never let me go....i feel like even though he said that hes just going through the emotions with her and loves me that i was just thrown away and cut off in an instance through an e-mail...i feel like my feelings were not protected and or cared for like i am not important to him....he was just telling me how much he loves me and cant live without me when his wife confronted him with an aultimatume and then i got the "we have to stop" e-mail...it happened so fast and all of a sudden....he has done this twice before and has always come back to me....but this time she knows everything...not just suspicions....so i dont think that i'll ever hear from him again....im heart broken that he would do this to me...us....im in shock and was wondering how to get him out of my head and heart....my husband doesnt know about this ....i have asked him to go to marriage counseling but if he knew about this he would tell all of our kids that "mom" cheated on me! I dont really know what to do
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of your pain and struggle around this.


 

CoachJenK :

unfortunately there is no shortcut to ending the painful feelings....the best way to heal from this is to allow yourself to mourn it and feel it all.


 

CoachJenK :

When there are kids involved it can make leaving much more difficult and if his wife is aware of what is going on then she may have let him know that she wants him to be with her and his kids and he might feel that he must play that out.


 

CoachJenK :

that does not mean he doesnt care about you now or in the past.....


 

CoachJenK :

letting yourself feel it all even thought it is so painful is the way to heal from the pain.


 

CoachJenK :

are you here with me?


 

Customer:

are you there?

CoachJenK :

yes can you see what I wrote above?


 

CoachJenK :

sometimes there can be some technical issues in chat...I am hoping you can see my responses above.


 

CoachJenK :

I will switch out of chat since there seems to be some issues.


 

Customer:

yes thank you....should i wait for him?

Customer:

hello?

Customer:

Am i just setting myself up for hurt by waiting to hear from him...even knowing that he may never contact me again?

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I am still here with you. Sorry about the difficulties in the chat.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I guess i just want your advise on if I should hold on to hopefully a future with him or maybe in these situations it is always a negative outcome....maybe he will never leave and just come up with excuses?

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


thank you....i just miss him ....he cut it off so quickly and abruptly...

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you again.....I'll try to consentrate on my own marriage and keep him out of my every day thoughts....i just didnt get any closure with him...

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency