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Dr. Tiye
Dr. Tiye, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 46
Experience:  As a Clinical Psychologist since 2002, I have conducted couples therapy and led relationship groups.
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Hello. I have been the victim of bullying at my college since

Resolved Question:

Hello. I have been the victim of bullying at my college since Spring Semester 2010. Trying to be kind to the bullies doesn't work. The bullying is in the music school. The bullies said that I didn't practice hard enough. I practiced harder, but it wasn't enough. All I do is walk past a bully, and then they bully me. Only one teacher tried to help me. He made the situation worse. How can I succeed despite what is going on?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Tiye replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Tiye : Wow, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Typically when this is done by adults on a college campus it's either called assault or hazing, neither of which is legal or acceptable. How do you feel about reporting it to campus police? You have a right to have a comfortable learning environment at school.
Dr. Tiye : For some reason they have unfairly targeted you, but they have to know that enough is enough. You are no longer a freshman and you've been able to progress in school because of your hard work despite their opinion about your practice schedule.
Dr. Tiye : It takes a real low life to bully another person and typically those types hang out together. Have you been able to form a support system with any of the nicer students?
Dr. Tiye : if so, I would focus on building my relationships with them and steer clear of the students whose self esteemed are so low that they prey on others instead of trying to help them.
Dr. Tiye : They do not deserve your kindness or your energy.
Customer:

The bullies have said so much mean stuff behind my back that I don't have many friends. Most people believe the bullies.


 

Customer:

What can I do?


 

Dr. Tiye : You should still continue to build friendships with people outside of this clique as well as stay focused on the reason that you ate on school working so hard. In addition, no one has the right to intimidate others. I would report it to campus police or, as a first step, to the Dean.
Dr. Tiye : You cannot change who they are but you can change how you react and how you respond to them.
Dr. Tiye : Studied show, that when bullies recognize that they can't get under your skin, they stop.
Dr. Tiye : They know how to get to you so they keep on. You are giving them power over you. It is time to take your power back.
Dr. Tiye : Write down your goals for your music program and recite them each day. When you are focused small nuances can rarely distract you.
Customer:

Even though I've been bullied for so long, my grades haven't suffered. I've been on the Dean's List since Fall 2009. :)

Dr. Tiye : Some Students in music programs are known to be mean and super competitive. Some say that this prepared you for the performance world and will make you a better artist. Keep up your good work.
Customer:

I just distanced myself from the music program by signing up for practical Chinese classes.

Dr. Tiye : You must be really good or they wouldn't be paying antsy attention to you!
Dr. Tiye : do what you have to do to stay interested in school and be happy.
Customer:

I can understand if people of my same voice part bullied me, but I was getting bullied by all people from all voice parts, not just mine.

Dr. Tiye : Don't let it get you down, keep moving forward.
Customer:

Why would guys bully girls?


 

Dr. Tiye : Why are you hesitant about reporting it to the Dean?
Dr. Tiye : Guys in their right mind don't bully girls.
Dr. Tiye : If you are being targeted you have to stand up for yourself, what do you fear that they will do?
Dr. Tiye : Do you fear physical violence?
Dr. Tiye : It sounds like they've done everything else. They already intimidate you and talk behind your back. What will they do if you tell them to leave you alone?
Customer:

I have already asked many other "higher-ups" for help, and most of them didn't give me much.


 

Customer:

I also fear for my safety.

Dr. Tiye : File a report with campus police. This has got to stop.
Dr. Tiye : You automatically assume the role of defenselessness, but you have more power than you realize. Recognize it and use it.
Customer:

Last year, I got a really scary phone call. I told the police about it. I filed a report, but they said that there wasn't much that they could do. I think that this is a similar situation. When I go in there, I have to have solid proof of the bullying, but I don't have much since "all the work" is done behind my back.

Customer:

What else would you suggest?

Dr. Tiye : I have found one statement to be very powerful "what you think about me is none of my business". If they are speaking behind your back you can do nothing about it and you cannot worry about it. Let them say or think what they will. What's most important is that you know who you are and where you're going. Little else matters.
Dr. Tiye : Continue to make good grades and perfect your craft. You will ultimately be awarded for that. I wish you the best of luck in staying focused and achieving your dreams.
Customer:

How can I stop myself from worrying about it?

Dr. Tiye : You have to stay focused on what really matters. You are making a choice to let them into your head and distract you. At this point they don't even have to say anything else about you because you've already allowed them to move inside of your head......rent free. Right now you don't want to kick them out, but you will....when you truly get fed up.
Customer:

Just by staying focused, will that help me kick them out?

Dr. Tiye : Absolutely, it may sound oversimplified but try it! Once you get in that focused zone not only will you feel better but they will notice and have to leave you alone. When you walk pass them hold your head up and if you have to perform in front of them, don't worry about what they think, perform to please you.
Customer:

What can I do to overcome social anxiety and make more friends?

Customer:

What can I do to make more friends and overcome social anxiety?

Customer:

How can I make more friends so that I can forget the bullies?

Dr. Tiye : Hold your head up and have confidence in who you are. That will make you less anxious and you will attract positive people to you.
Customer:

Thank you for your help.

Dr. Tiye, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 46
Experience: As a Clinical Psychologist since 2002, I have conducted couples therapy and led relationship groups.
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