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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My husband has a son from a previouse marriage who is 21. He

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My husband has a son from a previouse marriage who is 21. He has not had any contact with him since the child was 8 years old. My husband was, at the time, accused of inappropriatly touching his ex wifes 13 year old sister. He said that he thinks she somehow took away all parental rights to his son when he was in jail, but he doesnt remember signing away righs or anything. The son was later adopted by his ex's new husband and changed his last name. No one has known where the child was for about 10 years. My mother in law and other family members tried to contact the mother but she sent back all corespondence un opened. About two years ago, I found his son, actually by accident, on Facebook. I have asked my hubby if he wants to contact his son and he is afraid that the mother has told him many bad things over the years and that if his son wanted to contact him, he would have looked him up. Maybe his son does not even know he exhists. The mother could have told him many stories over the years, but its possible she told him his father was dead or where abouts unknown. Who knows. My question is this, should I send an email to his son explaining who i am and that his father has wondered about him all this time and see if his son perhaps does want to contact his father but doesnt know how. Its possible he was so young when it happend that he doesnt remember enough about him, like his name or last known location, to even search for him if he did want to. And even if his ex wife did tell his son stuff over the years, doesnt my hubby deserve a change to tell his side? I am worried becuase his son has joined the Marines and is being deployed. What if something happens and my hubby never gets a chance to know his son. I cannot convince him to try to get in touch with him.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. As difficult as this is for you, and I completely agree that it is hard to not want to contact him, you really shouldn't. This should be your husbands idea, or at least he needs to be accepting of the idea. You should instead, concentrate your efforts on convincing him that this is the right thing to do. There are a number of things which could go wrong and you are opening up a HUGE emotional situation. If for some reason, his son ends up hating him for some reason, you would be responsible in your husbands eye. Do you want to live with that? While it is great to think that this could be a wonderful, loving reunion, chances are, it may not be. Think the situation through with as many possibilities as you can. It is important that your husband wants this to happen for anything to materialize.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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