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SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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I dont understand what he means when he says we are too different

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I dont understand what he means when he says we are too different and not right for each other.

I met this amazing man a couple of months ago and we started dating a few weeks. We both felt we found that missing piece of the puzzle in each other. I'm 49 and black, he is 34 and white; I told him if he wanted more kids I wouldn't be the one for that. He was adamant he didn't want more children and he wanted to be with me, I was the love of his life and the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He wears his heart on his sleeve and doesn't care who knows how happy he is. I'm more private but those that mattered I told how happy I was. I met his mother and he says she felt I was the right one for him. He then posted a comment on facebook which was really lovely and I was touched by it but I would have preferred if he had just inboxed me instead. I thought we were having a disagreement but at the end of it we had broken up and I don't know how it happened.

He says he does love me and meant everything he's said about how he feels about me but we are not right together and he thinks he does want kids. I thought at my age I would be past the stage of crying myself to sleep and feeling so wretched. Am I being dense not understanding what happened?
Okay from the information that you have told me I will try to assist you with this question. It is hard to say why he broke up with you over an argument...usually, this is not likely. A man breaking up with you over a minor argument and telling you that they no longer have feelings for you. If he really have feelings for you, then yes, I would think that he would have wanted to work it out.

From what you have said, it could be another reason why he wanted to break up with you and that is the kid situation. The thing about it, is that with children if he knows for a fact that you do not want kids, he may have been okay with it at first because he wanted you. But in retrospect, he may not see his life without children, and this was not something that he wanted to compromise on. Therefore, he chose to let you go. Sometimes with men, they wait for a minor argument to break up with you, instead of saying the real reason. He has already told you that he did not want children, so to change his mind now and break up with you just for that, may have not been something he wanted to do. So he waited for an argument first.

I know that he said that he loved you, and perhaps he still does. The thing also is that he is telling you that he does not want to be with you. The things is that loving someone does not mean that you need or want to be with that person.

I do not think that you are being dense in not understanding what happened. I think that it is also fine that you are crying yourself to sleep. You thought that you found the one, and now....he broke it off, unexpectedly. I think that if someone does not want to be with you, you can grieve and mourn over the lost of the relationship, but I would not dwell on him too much.

If the he feels that he wants children and you don't....then there is not really anything that you can do to change his mind. Sometimes, you just have to accept how he feels, even though it does not make sense and move on.
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