DR. L, I saw him about a week ago in the cafeteria. He asked if I would have breakfast with him and I said I had too much work. He said: "Come on, have breakfast with me... we never coincide... let's not talk about work". I said no. He made a little joke "Ok, turn me down, that's fine". I left. I have avoided the cafeteria so I don't have to see him. Here is my question: It seems to me that he wants to reconnect, but he doesn't make a real effort. Many things bother me: a) that he tries, b) that I view his attempts as disrespectful because he doesn't make a real effort or tries to apologize, c) that he might think that I would be so stupid to go back with him. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe he he is really not interested... but why does he try to reconnect every time he sees me? I know I am asking for normal behavior from an egocentric person... but I realize that is why his approaches are bothersome to me (not as much as before, though). What do you think?
He is being completely disrespectful and inappropriate. He is disregarding your feelings and your boundaries.
I would encourage you to tell him that you want nothing more to do with him and that he must stop trying to engage you in a relationship of any kind. He needs to know that coffee, breakfast, lunch...anything...is NOT going to happen and that you want nothing more to do with him.
If he continues to make contact with you, you have every right to go to the Human Resource Department and/or tell your boss that you are feeling harrassed by him and want it to stop. While this may sound like a bold move to take, the reality is that he is being inappropriate in your workplace and you have a right to a peaceble work environment.
Let me know what you think of this.
I didn't have to do anything because I didn't see the guy for a couple of weeks.
However, last week he came to my office!!!
I was about to leave (which was very convenient for me) but when I told him, he told me he would accompany me to my car.
In the way he asked how I was, and my answers were very vague and short. He stared at me like wanting me to say something, but I ignored it.
I thought that was the end of it but last week he came to ask some stupid question. He said he would be back for an answer, but he didn't come back.
This week, I had to work with his boss, and he saw me. Ten minutes later he was in my office offering help. I referred him to the people I had assigned the project.
Actually, it doesn't bother me to interact with him when it comes to work, but what bothers me is that I think I still have feelings for him... I don't understand what I feel, but I can describe it as being uncomfortable. I don't want him in my life but if I see him with another woman, even if she is ugly, I wonder if he is trying to romance her. Why do I care if I don't want him?
I guess I wonder if he would treat another woman better than he treated me.
I also wonder what he wants from me, because he keeps trying to be around me every chance he gets.
Sometimes I think he is "fishing" for innocent women, and when he can't find them, he comes looking for me to see if I fall for him again.
Other times I think is the other way around, since I don't respond to him , he tries to look for another victim.
What do you think?