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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I have married for 24 years and we have 3 children. Lately

Customer Question

I have married for 24 years and we have 3 children. Lately I found my husband cheating on me through internet, communicating with ladies from a dating service in asia. I was so devastated and I confronted him regarding the situation. He said that I push him through his limits and he told me that he was not in love with me anymore for the last ten years. I am 51 years and he is 62 years old. He said that I was yelling a lot and grouchy and is not the person that he was married into. I told him that if I don't love him I have already left him. He is a quiet type and I am the outgoing one. I scheduled an appointment with a counselor and he is willing to do that. But I was not feeling good and sometimes, I started crying, shaking and very hysterical.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

jenhelant :

Hi,

I am sorry that this happened to you. There may have been problems in your relationship, but he should have at least told you how he felt before it got out of hand. It is very important to communicate with one another when something occurs that we do not like. This way we will have the chance to work it out and fix it. It seems like he just let everything build up and this is why it has gotten to this point. It is a very good sign that he is willing to go to counseling. This shows that deep down he may still love you and have a desire to make it work. I know you do not like the fact that you are feeling this way, but sometimes it is good to let out a good cry in order to feel better. You have a long marriage and through work it can be saved. Instead of worrying and being upset. You can listen to what he told you and try and see if it is true that you have changed. Try to see how you have changed from when you both started and maybe you can work on bringing back what got you both together. This way you may even start the healing process before the counseling session. In long term marriages or relationships it is easy to go with the flow and the day to day routine that we leave our relationships behind us and we do not nurture and take care of them as we did when we first started. This is why it is important to communicate to work things out before they get out of hand. Even though you are very upset try and not worry. Worry will only cause you stress and health problems and will not make things better. Take it step by step one day at a time and think positive. Positive thinking will show through your actions and make you feel better. There are a lot of men that would never step foot in a counselor's office, so the fact that he is shows he is taking the first big step. This first step is most important to start the healing process.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

I gave your answer above when we were in the chat session, but you were not online. You can still read it above in this thread. I am still here is you need further help we can continue.

It may take time to trust him again, but that can be worked out in counseling. The fact that he wants your trust, wants to go to counseling, and apologized shows that he is serious about saving your relationship.

Please let me know if I can be of further help

Thanks,

Jennifer

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.
Hi,
Please let me know if I can be of further help to you!

Jennifer
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

I see that you have not rated my answer yet. If you plan to rate my anything less than positive than please let me know, so we can continue working together until you are satisfied.

Thanks,

Jennifer

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