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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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What should if me and my bf got in a argument and he said that

Resolved Question:

What should if me and my bf got in a argument and he said that we needed time?

we got into this argument for a dumb reason, we have been arguing for a long time now. we have been dating for 4 years now and this started about 2 months ago.That same day we got into an argument he was the one that said we needed time. i agreed because that day he said mean things to me and it wasn't the first time i feel like he cant control himself when he gets mad . After 2 days he contacts me again and keeps calling me but i have not answered because i am hurt and i dont want him to play games anymore and think he has me back when he wants. What should i do to make him learn his lesson? Would the no contact rule work for me ? i just wish that we could get along like we used to?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I think the best thing that you can do is tell him exactly what you told me about how you feel. If you just ignore him he may think different things since some people just don't get the true meaning of some things and can try and flip the situation around.

Tell him in a mature way how you feel and what as been happening and what you plan on doing. Let him know you need time apart and would like things to be as they used to, but right now you just want to be alone until you can see that she has changed because you do not want to be in this situation any longer.

Tell him you want to be treated as you deserve and you can't go back to the same thing. This will show him exactly what you are thinking and that you are serious. He will then see that he needs to change and then may take steps to do that if he want to try and get back things the way they were. So I do believe communication and space will show him you are serious.

I think you are doing the right thing by not just staying in it as it was because people tend to take people forgranted and treat them meanly then think they will just stay. This way he will learn to appreciate you. You serve to be treated with respect and love.

I hope this works out for you and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Yes thank you for your help i do need to tell him how i feel. when we are together soemtimes we get along great we love to do the same things and we are happy but like i said for a couple of months he has been acting the same. I have one other question for a while i have let him kinda talk to me the wrong way and yell at me when hes mad and i have forgave him fast after that happends. i feel that i am doing wrong for letting him do that . How can i change his way of thinking and show him that i will not let him hurt me that way anymore and i will be a diffrent strong women. cause if i continue to do that i know he will think its ok to always do it.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
You are right and sound very intelligent with good insight. It is not right for him to treat you like that and it will only get worse if you allow it. If you have let him in the past then he will not know and believe it right away. You need to be consistent and show him a few times before he will actually believe it. Just talk with him and let him know that you will not allow him to treat you that way. Let him know that you need to be respected and not spoken to and if he can not do that then you can not be together. Sticking to what you believe in and not allowing him to talk to you in a disrespectful manner will show him you have changed. But as I said don't get discouraged if he doesn't believe it right away. He will think he can sweet talk you. So you would need to stand your ground in order to show him a real change. He can not change over night and would need some time to do that and maybe even counseling if he has any anger issues. To know that he has changed he would need to prove it by backing up his words along with action

Hope this was helpful! :)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes thats exactly what i am going to do . I have tried doing this like telling him that i will not allow him to do it in the past but since i always forgive him quick he thinks its ok to get angry and talk to me the wrong way. To stand on my ground if he tries to do that again what are examples that i can do if he tries to talk to me that way again and i can seem serious about this?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
The best thing that you can do to seem serious is to stay away from him for a little while. Don't take him back quick then when he says he has changed. Let him know if he does it again your gone. Tell him firmly you will not allow him to talk to you like that and you are giving another chance ( this is after he has told you he changed) and will not accept that behavior, so he should be sure he really has changed or if he needs more time before getting back together again. Then follow through if he does do it again by not being together. This is the best way for him to know you are serious.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes thats what i am going to do stay away from him and hopefully that shows his that i am serious. How long would you think is a good time to be away fom eachother so he can think this is serious?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
That's good. This really depends on his actions and reactions. But at minimum I would say a few weeks, but really depends what he shows you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Ok i will see what his reactions are. what should i do if he tries calling me and texting me during this time ?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
You can talk with him first letting him know how you feel. Then it would depend what he is calling you about. If you want to speak on the phone only you could, but not in a relationship type way. But it may be better to just have some time apart for a little while. In that case you can tell him you prefer not to talk during this time so he has time to change.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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