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DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 196
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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ok im a lesbian

Resolved Question:

ok here is my uneasy situation ,im a lesbian i had a girlfriend for 6 months she is 19 im 26 ,young girls love me a lot i always had yonger girlfriends i was a dj a bartender im sexy and feminime russian girl ,but back to the point ... My gf is working for political party of democracy and she was invited on the conference to Puerto Vallarta mexico and she could take one friend with her ,so she took me ,along with her went her friend Daniel ,he took his friend also ,her name was Alejandra ,she turned out to be a lesbian very beautiful and smart and i liked her a lot ...first time i saw kind of met her when she came down in the evening to eat with us ,we were all in the same Sheraton hotel and Daniel had his guitar and i played and she really showed interest in me ,she was smiling and this eye contact that can tel you some things too and she played guitar too ...but my girlfriend was sitting next to me so i couldnt do much ... Later on daniel(i have to say he wasnt aware that im a lesbian,neither he knew that my gf was cause we are very fenime )and his friend that i liked they came down next day ,but my gf told me i shouldnt flirt with people so i was very closed this time with this girl ...but i was feeling she liked me...later on Daniel he expressed interest in me ,he spent a llot of time w me we were playing volleyball talking a lot and stuff like that ... we all came on one bus and when we were coming back me and my gf were late ,so we couldnt sit toogether and she also got kind of mad with me because she was jelaous about this girl and the only sit i had was right next to daniel and her ..so i set there daniel and her were talking to me cracking jokes she was asking me things and listening pretty close and laughing and smiling and that good stuff ...later sit that w me was empty and daniel set in it and started talking a lot of stuff ,we were listening to the music and talking like friends ,st this time his friend falled asleep and i talled him "Daniel i really like your friend i cant hold it down " he was like "wau really ,(by the way daniel has a gf too)" then he asked do you like her more or me ? wasnt in jelaous way more like a friendly playing way ,i sad "your friend but please do not tell my gf " he said do not worry and i will tell Alejandra ,she likes european girls he said and im russian ) ...my gf was very pissed that he was sitting and taling to me but she was in the other part of autobus ,at some point of timeDaniel tool headphones of Alejandra and sayd pretend like you took it without intention and then you will have a reason to see her agai and ill tell her that you like her i was like "ok", when autobus arrived it was a late night ...so me and my gf and Daniel took one taxi toogether ,he kissed us goodbuy ,my gf pretended like noth happened but she was pissed ...so next day im wrighting daniel in FB "hey how are you whats up have you talked to alejandra ?" and he was like "oh yes and she ws very interested in you and she gave her phone number so you can text or call her " and i was like wau cool...so i texted her i sayd hey how are you remeber me? and answer was "oh yes i do off caurse whats up " she sounded super excited but she was entering her class so she said "can i text you later ? cause im going inthe class " i sayd off caurse ) and she texted me around 8 pm and sayd "send me some russian music to download"i was like sure i will and the i asked her what she likes to do in her free time ? she didnt answer for a while and then she said she was playing tennis w her best friend and it was night so i didnt bother any more ... Next day i wright Daniel on FB and say "hey whats up "(oh i forgot to mention my gf found out me and him became friends on FB and she was really mad and they work toogether )...XXXXX XXXXXing back"yes " nothing else i say "how are you today ?" the answer from him was "?" and then i was like -"do u want coffee im inviting " no answer -are you ok? no answer are you mad for something no answer so i texted his friend Alejandra "hey how are you ?" no answer do you want come out and have beer this weekend ? no answer i sent her a friend request in FB no answer ....after that my gf took headphoes that i took and gave to daniel and sayd "if you want a russian gf look in the internet and tell your friend he same "...and daniel showed his phone and sayd "look i dont need her she is texting me "....ok after that passed one day ...and i dont know what to do IM SOOOO LIKING THIS GIRL ANDI KNOW SHE LIKED ME TOO ...i saw it in her eyes in her smile in everyth ...and she was the one who passed me her number ..and she did to her friend she ws very interested in me ...and she sounded happy when i texted her ...so what should i do ,what can i text her what you advice me to talk to her she is a lawyer very 24 y.o. very pretty ,smart w ambitions girl ,me too lol...but what to do ?which message or letter to send to def. get her to respond...i was adviced to come out and wright her a  letter on my unanswered facebook .kinf f old facioned manner letter that i liked her ...my friend adviced me to send her a text message on the phone saying : "ok i dont know what the other thing to do but to be honest about my feelings toward you ,i really liked you and something is telling me you liked me too,i might be wrong and if so you can tell me right now and it will be the end of it ,but if im right and we both like each other can we at least have one chance to see and talk to each other in person without other people involved ? "

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.

DrJackiePhD :

Hello, I'm Dr. Jackie, a relationship expert, and I would like to help.


 

DrJackiePhD :

I can wait online for a bit to see if you come back on line.

Customer:

yes please help me ,as you are woman too may be you have a different outlook on the situation then the man expert i talked to

DrJackiePhD :

I can try to help. I didn't realize someone else was helping you.


 

DrJackiePhD :

We are not supposed to intervene if you are working with another expert. I apologize.

Customer:

somebody did answer but i want hear different opinions he is already answered and i payed him so do not worry i want hear different answers

Customer:

you are not interfeiring we have talked yesterday with him and i left great feedback on him but i do want see what a female expert thinks about this situation would you talk to me ab it please


?

DrJackiePhD :

Ok I will be happy to try to help.


 

Customer:

ok) so what you think overall about the situation ?


 

Customer:

i know may seem like im a bad person here i have a gf and i like another person ...but i cant help it and i really want have at least a chance to talk to me in person ,we didnt have this chance ...and then like i sayd she passed me her number throuh daniel she was happy to hear from me and then in one day someth i dont know what went down ..i do think that my gf sent a message to daniel and to basicly told them to back off ...but i dont know for sure ...and i sent two text messages after and she never responded again ...


i dont know what to do ...im dying to meet this girl and at least to talk to her ...but how to do that ?

DrJackiePhD :

I started answering but let me read first what you wrote.

Customer:

ok sure take you time

DrJackiePhD :

OK. I'm inclined to agree with you that it does seem like your gf intervened. How much have you shared with your current girlfriend because it seems like she sensed your interest in the lawyer while you were at the conference.

Customer:

i didnt tell her anything,but she did see that i end a fiend request to daniel...and she did ask me no to ...and i did

DrJackiePhD :

I would believe that she must sense your interest in the other woman.

Customer:

i have no way of knowing how much she has intervened cause daniel didnt talk to me either and she didnt respond ...and i cant come out and ask my gf straight lol

Customer:

oh hell yea she did ,she got mad w me ab that ...she knew

Customer:

http://www.facebook.com/marina.calabrese.777


http://www.facebook.com/ale.cossio.9?fref=ts


now i dont know if you find this rellevant sorry for jumping but here is my face book and the face book of this girl ,may be if you take a look you can tell me some things too

DrJackiePhD :

Can I ask you, "Why not?" She knows something is different about your relationship. And you have indicated you attract younger women often. Does she know how popular you are with the younger women? I am asking these questions because I think in most cases, honesty is the best way to go. Usually if you try to hide something (like an interest in someone else), it will surface some how any way at some point. And I don't think you are the type of person to want to hurt your girlfriend.

DrJackiePhD :

So maybe if you are honest that you want to meet the lawyer friend of Daniel and just talk with her--at least you are being up front if you tell your gf this. Maybe the two of you need a break? I'm not sure if you live together, but if you don't, perhaps a break might help you both decide if your relationship should move forward or not.

DrJackiePhD :

I have not looked at those links you sent me. Do you want me to take a few minutes and look at them now?

Customer:

well my problem right now is not ab my gf at the moment ,with my gf i know how to handle it,but how to get this girl to meet me ...she stopped talking to me

Customer:

yes DR Jackie ,im sorry for being so fast ) take your time

DrJackiePhD :

I see. I am guessing since she is so smart and probably classy that she doesn't want to start something if it would hurt you/your current relationship. I am guessing here since I don't know her but from what you have said, she seems very sharp and I would think caring about others including your current gf. Does that make sense? So it could be that she is avoiding further contact so that your gf and even you do not get hurt.

Customer:

ok i deep inside sence that ...but what to do ,i really damn like her

Customer:

i dont want paly with her ..have no such intention whats so ever ...but how now to go about it ?

Customer:

and what you think about our facebooks i mean its not much to go with but do youthink we connect in some way ?


 

DrJackiePhD :

I can tell you really like this woman. It seems like there was a good chemistry when you met at the conference. And from what you have shared, she may feel that same connection. So let me ask --knowing that you probably will damage the relationship with your current gf, is pursuing this other woman worth the risk of losing what you have? You said your current relationship is not your problem. If you can risk losing what you currently have and really want to see if you have something more than that introductory spark--if you really think this woman might be the right one for you, then I would encourage you to send her a message on FB and be honest and let her know that you are in turmoil because you don't want to hurt your current gf but that you have these amazing feelings for this woman and would like to meet up and talk and see if there is a strong connection that might lead to a serious relationship.

DrJackiePhD :

I only looked at yours so far. :-) I will look at hers now.

DrJackiePhD :

Very pretty, very attractive both of you! It's hard though to tell much more than that. I can go back and see if you and if she have profiles listed. Is that what you want me to read?

Customer:

what you mean profiles listed im sorry


?

DrJackiePhD :

I looked at your pics but I didn't click on the INFORMATION links where you can list your likes, interests, etc.

DrJackiePhD :

But back to your question, I would try to be up front with this woman and let her know you really want to meet for dinner or coffee and hang out and talk. I think it would be good for everyone in the long run because if you don't have this chance, you will always wonder if this could be the best relationship you have ever had.

Customer:

thats cool i dont think she has this information opened but what i want you to see and give me advice should i send her a text message kind of straight to the point text message ,thats the letter i was adviced to send her ,its a little old facioned so im debating if i should change or add something to it :

Customer:

Dear Alejandra,


I thoroughly enjoyed your company recently at the Sheraton in Puerto Vallarta. I was very taken with your wit and intelligence. Your beauty and warm personality have totally captivated me.


I am usually more prudent than this, but forgive me for throwing all caution to the wind. I must ask you if you would consider getting together with me sometime very soon, for dinner and drinks, or just a cup of coffee, if that is your preference.


I feel that we have a strong connection, the kind that should not be ignored, because they are a rare occurrence. I know that I am being forward and hope that you don't find me foolish, but please consider my request. This could be a remarkable turning point in both of our lives, or could just be a short and pleasant meeting for one time.


I would be grateful and delighted if you accept my invitation.



In friendship,


marina

DrJackiePhD :

OK. I'll read it now and then comment. :-)

Customer:

please)

DrJackiePhD :

I think your letter is honest and since and totally respectful. Would you try to put that into a text, or would you send it as a message through Facebook? It might be quite a long text. :-) But I think you express your feelings very well and very clearly, and I don't think it's brash in any way.

DrJackiePhD :

I just re-read your questions/comments before the letter--did someone else advise you to send that? Also, you asked if it sounds old-fashioned. I don't think that is for me to judge. Personal letters are SUPPOSED to be an expression of your heart. If you are comfortable with the way it reads and if it really reflects how you feel, then that is what you need to send. :-)

Customer:

but should i add something to it like about my gf ,if we consider its themain point she is probably not answeringg to me or should i leave it that way?

Customer:

and you think letter is better then a text message?

DrJackiePhD :

Well, the letter itself is beautiful and I wouldn't want to change it. But maybe you could send the letter through FB Messages. And then as soon as you do, send a text letting her know that you wrote her a letter expressing how you feel and that you are in a relationship but at the same time feel this very strong connection to her. Ask her in the text to please read the letter in FB and think about it and please respond.

DrJackiePhD :

That way you have gotten your feelings not only in print but you have shared them, meaning you have done all you can do and now you are leaving it up to her to think about your words and respond if/when she is ready.

Customer:

i see ...if she gets to meet me,i would have one shot w her...how should i behave what should i say ?

DrJackiePhD :

I feel like you may be putting too much pressure on yourself. And that is so easy to do. And this is easier said than done, but don't second guess everything. Be yourself. Both of you saw sparks when you first met. If she is going to be attracted to you, it's better that she sees the real you, who you really are, not someone trying to say exactly the right words and do exactly the right things when you meet for the first time.

Customer:

ok ) do you think i should wait few days till i send it or should i do it asap?

DrJackiePhD :

I think you would feel better if you sent the FaceBook letter and then the text letting her know you sent a detailed message on FB right away. The hard part though will be waiting for a reply no matter when you send both the FB message and the text.

Customer:

but dont youthink it willbe more effective if i wait a little i mean all this just happened w daniel and everyth

DrJackiePhD :

It probably would be more effective if you had a little bit of time between your last efforts and sending this. I was thinking though that you have not really had the chance to even really talk with her alone. That is why I suggested sending this soon. I think both of you would know if you spent a few hours together if you had enough of a connection to try to pursue something more serious. The not knowing tends to be hardest for most people.

Customer:

yes it actually is eating me alive...kind of but i can wait if thats the best policy

DrJackiePhD :

Well, she has not returned any messages yet, right? So maybe sending her a quick text like I said, acknowledging you have a relationship but that you think the FB message is very important, perhaps she would respond finally.

Customer:

its like she was w this friend Daniel and he did tell her something negative ..i dont know after my gf talked to him ...so i think that influinced the whole situation ..but i dodnt know and he doesnt explain nothing neither do i wnt bother her to seem annoying

Customer:

she did respond the first times i sent her messages and she sounded very excited and daniel told me she was very interested and to give me her number

Customer:

but the next day neither of them responded

DrJackiePhD :

It's so hard when you don't know what everyone has said. That is why I have encouraged you to be honest and open with her. Again, it sounds like she felt the connection just like you did. So you have to let her know how you really feel. Do you think maybe she thinks you are just flirting but not serious? Could it be that Daniel or your gf have mentioned to her that you tend to date a lot? Comments like that could have influenced her not to respond back to you.

Customer:

everyth can be ...i dont know what he exactly sayd but he could ve said anything to her ...


 

DrJackiePhD :

Right. And so until you have let this woman know how you feel, you probably won't feel right because she does not know the truth about how you feel from her.

DrJackiePhD :

how you feel about her--sorry!

Customer:

i see...ok well i ll follow up your advice andsend her a message on face book but in a couple days i think will be better

DrJackiePhD :

Unless the suspense kills you but definitely let her know. And make sure you also send a text or add to the message that you do have a gf. You should acknowledge this so that you are honest with her.

Customer:

you think i should acknowledge that in the text or in addition to the letter?

DrJackiePhD :

That is up to you. I suggested a text because I didn't know how often she checks her message in FB. People vary so much. But most people check texts often because usually their phone is with them.

Customer:

ok will do that thank you very much

DrJackiePhD :

You are welcome! I hope this works out for you. I'm happy to follow-up or just be available in the future if you want to chat. :-)

Customer:

thank you so much i ll update you on this situatiion if you are interested)

DrJackiePhD :

I am interested! I hope everyone is ok and that things work out! :-)

DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 196
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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