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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Ive known this girl for about 9 years. About a month ago for

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I've known this girl for about 9 years. About a month ago for some I reason I just decided to text her to say hi and I found out that she had just broke up with her boyfriend. We went out on my boat and just had alot of fun together, so we planned some other things towards the end of the month which was last week now. We went to the ravens game Thursday and the orioles game friday. So by the end of the night Thursday she was taking my arm while we walked and just initiating alot of contact like bumping or leaning. Friday it was the same amount of physical contact except this time she had me put my arm around her and she put her arm around me while we walked. We talked about a kiss but I didn't do it just because of not finding a good time. So later in the night she made the comment about how she planned on being single a while, it didn't really surprise me but it did if that makes sense just because of how things had been going. So I was kinda bummed and was a little quiet for the remainder of the night, on the way home she asked me what's wrong and I told her, I told her that I've sat back and watched her date guys who were never good enough for her and that I was better then them which she fully agreed with. I never said it in an errogant way it was actually her who said it before I could. So long story short we get back and she told me that I was amazing like 3 times and that she has never had that kind of conversation before and never thought she would have that kind of conversation with me. So the night ended with her hugging me for like 3 minutes and then her saying she had alot to go home and process and think about. She just broke up with the guy like 1 month or a month and a half. It was a bad breakup and the guy is still trying to get her to give him another chance. So what's the best way to handle this to make her mine.? She said she feels like we have always been drawn towards each other but I can tell she is very hesitant right now. What can I do to make sure that I get a shot to date her. She definetly seems attracted to me by what she has said and shown me. But im sure she is still getting over things.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I think you did the right thing by talking with her in the moment. Most people hold things in and sulk about it, but you spoke right away. This is great. She even said she never thought she would have that conversation with you. She seemed to be flirting with you and like you. Maybe she even meant she was planning to be single, but now having second thoughts about it since she likes you.

She can be confused as you said and she mentioned she needs some time to process all of this. I think you should take things slow and let her process everything, but continue to spend time together. Seems like you both are having a great time. Continue doing things together. Keep talking about things with each other, so you both have deeper conversation about life, each other, what you both want in a relationship and etc. Back up all of your words with actions and she will trust you and see you are different from the rest. I think you are on the right track. Just continue as it was going. Go with her lead as well like with the leaning and bumping etc.

I hope this was helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We had actually had like a 2 week thing when we were in high school, which we did have sex, reason I bring this up is because while we had our long talk she asked me if I remembered that night, I told her yes and we both kinda smiled and that was that. Do you see any reason why she would have brought that up? Also there was alot of flirting between us and I was wondering, you don't think she would've done those things unless she was interested do you? Things just seem to really progress everytime we have hung out, but. Its kinda hard to get her to do things, she does have a busy schedule but do you think its because she does have feelings for me and is just hesitant? What are your thoughts on this
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I do think she has feelings for you. As I read everything it did seem to me that she wanted to stay single, but now confused cause interested in you. I think she is just hesitant. All the signals are pretty much there and seems she was flirting. You are saying things progressed each time that is another good sign. I think that she brought that up because she remembered and seems to have good memories of it and wanted to see if you remembered as well. So it sounds kinda cute they way you both said yeah and smiled. Seems you both enjoyed the memory.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What is the best way to move forward with this? I mean if she is hesitant how can I get rid of it, how can I get her to want to move forward. I understand she needs time and I have no problem giving it to her, but I don't want the oppourtunity to pass me by or lose it entirely. So what do I do from here? How can I get her to want to move forward with me, also how long should I expect to wait until it is time that she would be wanting to date? Or is there no real answer to that. Any secrets to the trade of this?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Everyone is different. There really is no special formula. But I wouldn't say you need to give her time as in not contact her. Just give her time in not pressuring her. But continue to flirt in little ways as long as she seems comfortable with that. Go out together and have fun. It will happen naturally and you will know the right timing. Most likely nothing would even need to be said. As you continue to get closer and spend time it can naturally happen and it will be mutual. I would just say continue having a great time and keep communicating. Also, back up anything you say with action, so she sees you are serious. This will bring everything together.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This is the last question I have but coning from a girl, what can I say or do that will peek her desire? Anything I can say or do that will help? That will help speed it up or just help things to progress. Any ideas that could help out.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
My best advice is to be yourself. Show her your true colors. Don't try to be something that your not. Be honest and do little sweet things. Show her you respect her and listen. Look into her eyes when she talks and when you talk to her. Little gestures mean a lot like holding the door etc. Being an all around gentlemen and being considerate. Be respectful even if you do not agree with something. It is okay not to agree. It is the reaction that is important. Talk in a mature way never in a judging way or defending. Sometimes you both may not agree, but that is okay. You both can talk through it. Most people fight and argue for no reason. If we all handled things maturely there would be no screaming. Really that is useless and nothing gets resolved just stressed out.

Its the little things women notice and will feel the difference in you compared to someone else. It already sound like you both have the connection and a great time together, so continue to build on that.

Hope this helps!!! :)
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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