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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I really like this guy and I feel that he started liking me.

Resolved Question:

I really like this guy and I feel that he started liking me. How do I get him?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, How do you know this person?


 

Customer:

He is an on-call computer technician and comes to the office when there are network problems.


 

jenhelant :

I see, Did you ever get to speak to him yet and do you know if he is available or not?


 

Customer:

I don't know if he's available. He lives with his brother.


 

Customer:

I have spoken to him but only about computers.

jenhelant :

I would say if you are able to then make small talk with him when you see him. Try to find something naturally even if it is about computers. Little by little you can make this small talk then maybe one day ask him out for a cup of coffee or etc. Would you feel comfortable doing this or do you prefer for him to ask you?

Customer:

I prefer for him to ask me. But first I just want to make him comfortable around me. Everytime he helped me I always thanked him - everything used to be very formal conversation and strictly business emails. but one day when he helped me I thanked him and put xoxo so it won't be so formal. do you think he noticed that xoxo is not formal but more friendly?


 

jenhelant :

Yes, I think so and I think that was a good idea to do that. He probably thought you were being friendly, but not sure if he has gotten the point yet. I think if you keep doing what you are doing he will then pick up on all the hints. If you don't want to ask him out then what you are doing is the best thing along with patience.

Customer:

he told me that if i have problems with my laptop to call him. he asked me if i have his number. (well, we all in the office have his number) so I said yes. when i had real computer problems i called him so he helped me and i blew kisses while we were saying thank you and good bye. that's it, that's all i did and i would like to stop sending signals for the meantime. but i don't know what to do next.


 

jenhelant :

The small talk is good and you could even give him a call or send him a text about a computer issue again. You can see if he makes any small talk with you.

jenhelant :

You will really need to think about if you want to be a little agressive or id you prefer to just wait. There are really not that many options. It is difficult to catch someones attention because they never know what we want.

jenhelant :

He may think you are taken or not interested and may not try anything. He may also not want to cross the work relationship "lines"

jenhelant :

So it is difficult. You will need to look for opportunities that may arise in the moment and take advantage of those opportunities

Customer:

i faked a computer problem before as an excuse to contact him but i think he knew. because in his email he said " i logged on into your computer as you and i was able to access files, etc." so now I can't do it again bec he is so smart and he can tell that's one reason i'm crazy about him.

jenhelant :

aww that was a good idea though.

jenhelant :

maybe he will pick up on the signs and ask you out unless he happens to be with someone. Hopefully that is not the case

Customer:

should i stop sending signs or keep going? what's the next step?

jenhelant :

I think subtle signals would be good. You don't want to come on too strong, but you do want him to know that you are interested. You would just need to see what his reactions are. If it seems as though he is cutting you off or if he seems to like it and reciprocate you will pretty much have your answer. Guys are pretty good at picking these things up. You can then go from there based on his responses.

Customer:

i am patient but i want to be with him this coming halloween party. i can't be too slow, though. i'm an accountant and i want to help him with his bookeeping since he is an independent contractor. what is a good approach so he will trust me. I don't need to get paid really high, just an excuse to be with him and communicate with him a lot and total and complete access to him.

jenhelant :

Thats a great idea! You can even invite him to the halloween party. Thats different then inviting him for a drink or on a date. Its a party, so I think it would be easier to do. You can do that, but asking him to do his bookeeping would be a great idea as well. If you have a card you can give him your card and tell him I want to thank you for helping me out so much with my computer issue. I see your an independent contractor if you like I can give you a great rate for doing your taxes. And let him know a benedift you can provide, such as way to get a bigger refund or more deductions etc. The problem with this is he may think that you are looking for business, but if you say it a different way then he may think you will do it for free and I don't know if you would want to do it without getting paid.

jenhelant :

Is the halloween party a office party?


 

jenhelant :

Let him know that throughout the year you can help him stay organized for a low rate and tell him some benefits of that too

jenhelant :

I think the party may be better because sometimes people do not like people that they know get into their private business. He could be embarassed if his business is not doing great.

jenhelant :

But it sure would not hurt to try

Customer:

yes that's true, the downside of being an accountant and work on his books is that he might not want me to know his personal finance, even my own relatives does not use me because of privacy. but when i asked for his billing (for our company) he said he is behind in his billing. during then i did not offer because i was not interested in him. these feeling just started mid july.


 

jenhelant :

yeah that would have been a good opportunity, but you may get the chance again, but he may not want to anyway due to the privacy issues.

jenhelant :

Is the halloween party an office one?


 

Customer:

no it's not an office party. we have christmas parties every year but it's just boring. i wish to be in a party and get drunk so i can kiss him and can deny it the next day. lol.

jenhelant :

lol


 

jenhelant :

try saying casually I can't believe its halloween already before you know if xmas is here. You doing anything special for halloween

jenhelant :

if he says no you can say I know of a halloween party at xxx.. u think you would want to go together

Customer:

you know what that's a good idea. but what if he says no, i will kill myself.


 

jenhelant :

I know risky but think easier than asking him out on a daye out of the blue


 

jenhelant :

and anyway its better you know now the truth than later

jenhelant :

He will feel however he feels regardless, so the sooner you know the better

Customer:

i would like to have everything planned. first halloween. then his birthday is XXXXX 28. then christmas. what i need is psychological interpretation of his reactions. like you said i send the subtle signs are good and see if he blocks me off or reciprocates, but i can't tell, i can't tell.


 

jenhelant :

If he is interested he will say yes unless he truly has plans, which could happen, so don't take it as he is not interested if he does have plans

jenhelant :

You will be able to tell. You will get the feeling

jenhelant :

But if you want to chat anytime you can come here anytime and request me if you like

Customer:

how can i interpret if he is just being polite or is really liking me. this is a mess, i should have paid attention to psychology 101.

Customer:

i would like to come back and talk to you again, since you already know my history. it's better that way than starting over with a new person. i have lots to tell you. how do i request you back?

jenhelant :

lol...if he is just being polite then he will keep blowing you off, but in a nice way. If he really likes you he will follow through and also start trying his own ways to get your attention. It could happen slowly and at first he could be busy, so would need a few situations to know for sure, which it is

jenhelant :

Sorry I didn't see that before. You can write for jenhelant in the beginning of your question next time and then I will answer it and we can chat again

Customer:

i enjoyed this chat with you. i'm not sure what i enrolled for. and what are the rules, how often can we chat and how long. i'm a busy person and i must be out of my mind that i;m spending time just to analyze him. he got me so bad. this is a disaster.


 

Customer:

run the rules by with me again. i need to understand the mechanics. where do i log on to come back here. i just got this out of google.

jenhelant :

I am not sure which plan you enrolled for. If you pay per question then you pay for each satisfied answer if it be a chat then we chat until you are satisfied and that is one question. If you have unlimited plan then you pay one price per month and can start as many threads as you want without paying extra. Hope I didnt confuse you

jenhelant :

I also enjoyed the chat with you. I hope it was helpful and just take it day by day. each situation at a time

jenhelant :

you can go to www.justanswer.com and you type in your question as you did, but put "for jenhelant" in the title

Customer:

now that my mind is working, i believe i was on a plan. okay. i will do that. thanks and i think you did excelllent service.


 

jenhelant :

Thank you. It has been my pleasure. I look forward to hearing back from you.

Customer:

bye.

jenhelant :

Have a great night and get some rest. Try not to think about him too much! lol

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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