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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My 28 year old son expects, demands that I support him emotionally

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My 28 year old son expects, demands that I support him emotionally and help him financialy, but gives me nothing but grief in return. He calls me daily wanting my advice but then blames me if he follows my advice and then later regrets it. He blames others for everything. I want to be a supportive parent, but should I continue to do so if he responds hurtfully?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I understand how frustrating this can be when you truly want to help your son and you have good intentions, but still despite your efforts does not work how you planned.

If he is constantly blaming others and you for his mistakes. It may be best to leave him to fend for himself a little. It is normal for you to want to be there for your son emotionally and financially, but this might be hurting him instead of helping him. Instead of growing and doing things for himself he gets in from you, so in turn he does not need to make his own decisions nor be financially responsible. Since you are doing it for him it is easy for him to blame you when things do not go the way he planned it. This is a way he can avoid responsibility.

I think the best thing that you can do for him is to allow him to learn to take financial responsibility as well as make his own decisions in general. You can give him advice, but do not tell him what to do. Give him various option, but let him make the final decision.

In the beginning you may want to not even give him advice at all. Without your emotional support this will not only force him to be responsible, but also realize how important you really are to him. Therefore he will learn to appreciate you and treat you with respect.

I also would advise you not doing anything for him if he demands. He would need to respect you first. Despite his age you are the mom and he should not be demanding of you. He should be asking you in a respectful manner.

I wish you the best and please let me know if I can help further.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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