How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i FEEL THAT MY HUSBANDS EXWIFE GOES OUT OF HER WAY AT EVENTS

Resolved Question:

i FEEL THAT MY HUSBANDS EXWIFE GOES OUT OF HER WAY AT EVENTS THAT I FEEL SHE HAS NO BUSINESS THERE TO BEGINH WITH. THERE ARE NO CHILDREN IN THIS MARRIAGE, SHE LEFT MY HUSBAND FOR HIS BEST FRIEND 20 YRS AGO, SHE SITS IN A CORNER AND STARES AT MY HUSBAND THE WHOLE TIME. WHICH MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE. I FEEL HE STILL LOVES HER OR ELSE HE WOULD TELL HIS FAMILY NOT TO INVITE HER OR COMPLETELY IGNORE HER. THIS CAUSES A BIG RIFT IN OUR MARRIAGE.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help...

Are these family events or social events?

Does he still keep any contact with her or her family as in a friendly relationship?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

this is a very vague answer. I need to know if this a problem or in ny head. I have caught my husband looking back. does that mean he still loves her?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

this was no help at all. I am signing up for the free 7 day trial for 23 dollars a month. you did not help at all. it is family funerals, family gatherings

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
she told me nothing.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry that was not my answer. I just needed some more information in order to help you. I just had forgotten to remove my signature from the bottom. I was not expecting to be rated or paid at that time. I apologize for the confusion.

I understand why this may hurt you. I can see both sides of the situation here. Seems as though his family has grown attached to her and loves her this is why she is invited. Therefore he feels bad to tell them. However, I agree with you because I don't think this should be done out of respect for you. This problem probably started way back when the family never cut the ties with her. That would have been best especially since they have no children together.

In anycase at this point what needs to be handled is the issue at hand. You should try talking to him and letting him know exactly how this makes you feel. If he can not change what his family does he can still change what he does. Staying with you at these events and not paying attention to her would be best as well as avoiding whichever events can be avoided. If the family sees you both not coming to the events then they may stop and realize what they are doing is wrong and would have to change their behavior if they prefer the two of you to come instead. If they do really like her they can invite her to private events, but she should not be part of the family events since she is no longer family.

Your husband can try explaining this to the family to see if they would make some changes. If they do not then as I said the two of you can then stop going to the events to see if they then change. When you do come across her do not even look at her. Enjoy the time you are having with your husband and don't let her get the best of you, which is what she could be doing.

I don't think your husband loves his ex because they have been divorced for over 20 years. I think he is just allowing his family to do as they pleased and prefer not to get involved. But like I mentioned let him know how much this bothers you. These are your feelings and I do not think you are being unreasonable. He should at least be able to listen to your feelings to see what the two of you can work out.

I hope this was helpful. Please let me know if you need any clarification.

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

should I be worried that I have caught him looking back. I feel humilated because I feel that everyone including his family see them looking at one another. I think that is why his sister invites her. I really just need to know how to respond. If I dont go then she winds, if I leave she wins, If I saty I am humilated. I have said something to him but he tells me I am just imagining. but my friend has seen all this also. makes all the events awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency