so late again! I've been trying to go through my emails to K to make this chronology thing for Ziggy and the Police woman (Emma) tomorrow. I have another year to get through, got to St Ives! I have tomorrow morning to get it done.
So, yay, Decree Nisi on it's way, so good to know that the Judge confirmed my entitlement to a divorce!! But I feel strangely untouched, though definitely relieved that he won't be served, and kinda glad that it won't be happening next week (unless something gets sent in the post before the Nisi is stamped, i have not a clue), and the kids will be out of the house again the week following when he is going to be angry. I think he thinks that we will all move back in this weekend and that'll be it. I haven't told anyone else at home yet....
I had a good session with Adele this afternoon, so much happens in a little over a week, but she wanted to make me stand back and look at what I had achieved for my aunt, that I had coped well with everything and got on with things, just kept going despite all the other things happening around me. She says I'm almost out the other side, that I am in control, that I have taken things slowly and it has been possible to cope. She was very proud of me
thanks for your post. You always make good sense :)
I'm under the weather with Poppy's lurgy, I hate sore throats, but I have kept dosed up, too much to do.
I am in a 2 & 8 (that's 'state' in cockney rhyming slang in case you weren't sure!). Still don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow night and for the week. Everyone, and now Ziggy and Emma, say don't go back home, but the kids will be there. I have to get the cottage packed up and sorted, I wish.....
I met with Z and Emma this pm, I fared a little better than last week, was able to speak some. I am scared about the next stage, I am feeling all alone with this but I know I'm not. It's just I have to make decisions, on behalf of the kids and me, and whatever i decide D will be angry, and my parents may not like it.
Emma was lovely. She wasn't too sure about me living so close to D, especially when the DN gets sent out to D. She has given me a personal attack alarm but said they couldn't put anything within our own property bc he may damage it! (expensive)
Ziggy went out with her at the end, I laid down in a heap and cried, scared, overdone, don't want to try any more. Ziggy came back in and was my mum for a while, then she showed me a wedding photo which was beautiful. I left her office feeling very alone with the weekend ahead, and lots of decisions to make.
I went to the barn when I got home. Lola wanted to play, it was raining, but I played. I went in and D was there. I wanted to just go, but he wanted to show me something he had read in a newspaper magazine, opened it on the page, put it in front of me, said that is what he has had in his head for many years, something about flooding... meaning the future of the barn I'm sure. I declined to read it, just left, came to the cottage and cooked, then began sorting for tomorrow.
I asked Sam what D had for supper- a tin of soup for the 3rd day this week (the other was baked beans) He asked me (through Sam) to get some more dog food. I didn't.
I have to sleep now. I haven't done very well telling you about my meeting with Emma. I am rather muddled myself.
Goodnight dear Kate, it's good to talk
today has been a backwards step :( I cleared out the cottage and am home again. I am not feeling well and am totally exhausted, hope to rest tomorrow (have rested since i came home, but no sleep, I wish)
D came home at 6 just as I'd taken Sam to work. Earlier I'd noticed an opened letter with Crown Court stamped on it- he has heard something but I don't know what. That scared me, I was unprepared, I didn't have much time to think before he came home, but he didn't speak to me, nor I him. I have been in my room with door barred, I have the attack alarm in my pocket that Emma gave me yesterday, and the bphone by the bed. he did try to come in earlier to talk, didn't say what about, said why is your door barred, I said bc I didn't want him to come in!! Simple. He went away, but I only feel safe in the sanctuary of my room, with MY things around me. If/when he goes, the kids want a complete change of everything, which is his clutter, he is just everywhere. that will fell good to have a purge :)
I'm not up to writing much today, I'll try to have a better head on me tomorrow.....
Goodnight Kate, can't wait for sleep....
This is only temporary for now. It is hard to go back I know. But you still have taken two huge steps in the past week- talking to the police and getting your alarm and getting the divorce to go through. Those are both very big steps that are important to remember. You are closer than you have ever been to being free.
I hope you are getting lots of good rest tonight. I will be here when you feel ready to talk.
Good night, Hilary Rose.
Katexx (a little extra to help you :)
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX me smile :) It's not good being home again.
I feel trapped in my room, but know it is of my own making. D is carrying on as if nothing is happening, came to my bedroom door just now to tell me he gigged at a farm yesterday where they have a couple of ponies that they put lightweight traps behind and give rides around the hilly farm. He said he'd talked to the farmer and said we could do the same with our ponies..... always talking about the future, ignoring what is happening (until it suits him)
I am trying to rest up today, shake this virus. Sam is at work, Poppy with her bf. D is 'pottering' outside. I guess nothing will change unless I make it happen, so I will talk to my lawyer on Wednesday.
I'm trying to think butterflies and freedom, colour, peace and happiness. I can't yet, I need to be around another corner I think, a Z bend. Thank you so much for offering to help me make choices, that would be really good. I'm not exactly sure what choices i have to make, Mark said financial matters, but I think occupancy should be at the top, perhaps that's all part of it., and maybe non-molestation order too. I won't know what Mark has in mind til I see him.
I have a large oil bill to pay, I'm wondering if I should ask D to pay half, but then think I want him to go soon so that isn't fare. He has got overdue bills coming out of his ears, but I'm not getting involved (just can't help the knowing!) I am SO glad I won't be doing his accounts next April, they with be totally unfathomable!!
How are you Kate, I'm sorry not to have asked lately, I think about you all so much ;)
To sleep now I hope
I have laid low all day hoping to feel better. I think I will tomorrow
I have asked Adam in customer services if he will reconsider a subscription for me as it's been 4 months since they stopped it. I hope so :) Mustn't build up hope....
Thanks for all your wise words of understanding, they are always worth reading again and again!! (no kidding :))
Dead beat, time for sleep, goodnight Kate, til tomorrow
Hilary Rosexx (x-tra most welcome
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I'm glad to hear that you had some down time. It should help.
Let me know how it goes with Adam and your subscription.
I am always glad to be here for you anytime you want support or just a shoulder to lean on.
Good night, dear Hilary Rose. Many xxxx's to you tonight!