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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 780
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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I regret working in a dead end job for years. I feel like Ive

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I regret working in a dead end job for years. I feel like I've missed out on the whole uni/ study thing. I'm 25 how do I get over this regret?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today. First of all, you're too young to resign yourself to feeling this way at this stage in your life. There are probably a lot of circumstances that led to the necessity of you having to work in this particular job, but you don't have to feel like you're stuck in the situation for good, either. You could try to build on your current skills and look for a different, more challenging position, you could look into going back to school and getting the university experience you want (even if money is tight, there are ways around it, such as student loans or scholarships for "older" students - you could look into this with the financial aid office of your local university, for example) -- or you could devote some of your time to figuring out what it is that you truly want to do, because it doesn't seem like you've found what "it" is. You might consider reading "What Color is Your Parachute?" by Dick Bolles. It's considered to be the bible of career guidance, especially among people who aren't sure what career path to take. And you're still very young, and even though it might not seem that way, there are lots of avenues that you can pursue.
You can check out the author's website here:
http://www.jobhuntersbible.com/
The website also has a lot of useful information about careers, networking, and general advice about how to take the first steps toward figuring out what you want to do. Talking to a career counselor might be another option to consider.
But don't give up hope - people change careers and find their true callings much later in life - so maybe this feeling of regret is actually a blessing in disguise and it's what's needed to propel you forward, to make a positive change in your life.
I hope that helps. Please let me know if you need additional assistance. Best wishes.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I still feel envious of others especially as it seem everyone is settling down at my age. I feel too intelligent for this job and they never promote people. Other people eg family, the ex also insult me over this
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
I can understand that you would feel like that, and it makes sense if you feel like the job is beneath you, and if others are insulting you about it. One thing is to try not to engage with people who try to demean you (don't become defensive or feel like you have to justify yourself - you obviously have reasons for why you made the job choice you did - probably you were just doing what you felt like you needed to do at the time.)
But making a positive change in your situation can help relieve the feelings of envy you feel about other people (even if it's small, baby steps such as looking into how you might advance your career or make a career change altogether) and also help you feel like the future isn't quite so bleak. If they don't promote people at your current job, then it might be worth looking into making a change either in the type of work you do or working for a different company. There's no reason you should have to feel stuck at this point. Now might be the time to start doing some soul-searching to try to figure out what it is you really would like to be doing - regardless of what other people have to say about it. The only person you really "need" to make happy in your life is you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I can't stand living with my family
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
But that's also something to set as a goal for yourself, then - moving out and becoming financially independent. You might not have the means right now, and you might have to tolerate living with them a little while longer until you can stand on your own feet, but setting long-term goals (like moving out, making a career change, etc) and short-term goals (like looking into taking some night classes at the university, for example) can help you feel more hopeful and give you something to work towards. You can also limit your contact with your family while you're at home and try to develop interests outside of the house (I'm just throwing these ideas out at you but only you can to figure out specifically how you want to do all of this) so that they don't drive you crazy all the time.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
They always flat out lie that no one leaves home at my age. Then brag about my cousin my age who us having his second child.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
Well, you have to ask yourself if you want to believe what your parents are telling you or not, and why they are saying such things that are obviously not true. They might have an ulterior motive for saying something like this - maybe they still see you as their child who they want to protect and keep at home as long as possible instead of seeing the adult that you've become. But you can choose to accept what they say or not, because the fact of the matter is, you are an adult and you're old enough to make your own decisions about anything that affects your life. Try not to take what they say to heart and listen to yourself instead. Try to tune in to what your heart and gut are saying - maybe you're not ready to leave home yet, even though you want to, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're not being held back from accomplishing (or at least setting the wheels in motion) your goals.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I tried seeing a counsellor but she basically said they wouldn't change. It didn't help much. When I tell them someone laughed at me it goes in one ear and out the other. I regret not leaving long ago. I really feel like physically proving it that people even younger than me are out of home. They say they understand obviously not.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I'm sick to death of their lying.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I don't know why your parents are lying to you - either they are trying to protect you, in a sick sort of twisted way (no offense, of course, but their behavior toward you is not normal), or they have a distorted sense of reality and nothing anyone says to them is going to make a difference. So in a sense, the counsellor you saw was correct - they probably won't change. But that doesn't mean you have to live under their roof if you can find a way to become financially independent. And it sounds like it's in your best interest to try to do so, because it doesn't sound like a very mentally healthy environment for you to continue to live in. You're better off on your own if you can find a way to make it happen. You deserve to start living your life and to not be treated like a kid anymore. If they don't like it, that's too bad - again, not to be harsh, but you are an adult, and you should be treated like one.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I tried therapy but didn't give me much ideas.it would help if someone fixed this crap economy. I don't know what to do
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
Well, you have a point but the thing to focus on is the stuff we talked about towards the beginning of our conversation. Just try to give yourself some time to think about what you *want* to do - think about where you want to see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years down the road. If you stay stuck in a job that makes you miserable and forces you to have to live with your parents, you're not going to end up feeling very happy. So try to focus on the future and take steps to change even the smallest things that you can - making baby steps is the first step (like looking into classes and so forth) - change takes time and it doesn't happen overnight... But it can happen.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Therapy didn't seem to help much. I still get cruel people eg my doctor laughing at me. I went on a dating site and got insulted and laughed at for still living at home. Obviously they don't understand at all.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
Therapy can't really resolve the problems you're having at home if the problems are your parents. If you go to a therapist, they can't change the way your parents (or others) act, but it might help you to see the situation differently so it doesn't have such a strong impact on you. And maybe you're letting other people's opinions affect you too much. It's never nice if people are laughing at you, of course, but these people won't understand what it's like for you because they're not in your shoes. You have to try to let these insensitive actions and comments slide off your back and not give them too much thought and instead focus on what's important to you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
My parents are always saying they still feel like my age and understand. Obviously not. I seriously feel like physically showing them where these people live. The problem is my car is in my dads name even though I paid for it. He always says you'll probably get a new one soon. It's been 7 years since I bought it. This is the type of BS I have to put up with
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
They might be trying their best, ***** ***** still holding you back. You can try to take small steps toward independence, like taking over the car from your dad and working toward having it put in your name. I know a lot of what you're dealing with seems like BS (and it is) but if you at least show them that you want to be more independent and start taking steps towards that (looking for apartments or for a roommate to share a place with, for example) they might start to take you more seriously.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 780
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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