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SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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My guy says he wants some space from our relationship. That

Resolved Question:

My guy says he wants some space from our relationship. That he views it as over and that there is little chance of reconcilliation...but he keeps trying to make plans for activities together- and he is supposed to move out of our shared apt- but will not follow through- scheduling work trips on weekends that he could move.
i still love him. I wanted to work things out in counseling, but this situation is confusing and hurtful and I do not know how to proceed
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help.

Could you tell me a little about why you think he wants some space? Does he give you a reason?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


We have been dating for six years. he is 48, i am 39- and this was supposed to be a relationship that was to grow into a family. this was his first relationship longer than 3months. it has been difficult for him to be in a relationship at times- he says he is unhappy and he thinks his unhappiness is due to our relationship.i think he is unhappy due to his extremely busy life,but my opinion is not very well taken. he says that my inability to change (not to be defensive feeling when he is criticle of me) makes me incompatable for him. that he wants a partner whom he can 'help' who will not be 'defensive'. we were supposed to be working on our differing styles of communication in couseling..but he did not follow through...so no new forms of talking were developed.and he basically does not want to try to work on things right now. but like i said he is not following through with the breakup. he refuses to tell his parents or family whom he speaks with every week-but live far away.he will not look for an apartment and is making me do that for him...he keeps suggesting that he wants to stay and just sleep in the spare bedroom-and we could be roomates!!! anyway i am confused and do not know how to move this forward one way or the other. to me

it is like he wants to have his cake and eat it too..i would prefer to reconcile- he refuses- i ask him to please leave me be and let me go through this process- he will not move out! he says we can only be friends right now- but he wants to plan a camping trip for thanksgiving

Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.

Okay, I am going to try to assist you with this question. I am going to try to be very honest on what I see going on here. First, he has said that he does not want to be in a relationship with you, nor does he want to reconcile, nor does he want to go to counseling. It sounds like he really does want out of the relationship. It may not be because of you, it may be like you said, because of his busy lifestyle.

 

But one thing is for sure, he does not want to be in relationship with you right now. The only way that you can reconcile is if he wants to try to work on things with you. He does not even want to go to counseling. So it is going to be hard to get back into a relationship.

 

As far as you looking for an apartment for him and him not moving out. I think your assumption is correct. He more than likely wants to have his cake and eat it to. You guys were together for six years. I am sure that he still cares for you, and wants some benefits of a relationship without actually being in a relationship.

 

For men, some want the experience of a girlfriend. But still want the freedom to do what they want, and it will be okay, because you two are not really together. With that being said. Do not let him do this to you, and give you mixed messages. I think it may be best that if he does not want to be with you. Have him move out of your apartment, so you can move on with someone who does want to be with you.

SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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