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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Before I had even met my boyfriend he booked a flight for me

Resolved Question:

Before I had even met my boyfriend he booked a flight for me to come out and see him. He asked for my birthdate and I was uncomfortable giving him my real birth date in that I look and feel 10 years younger than I am and did not wat to be judged by a number. So I did not tell him my true birthdate. He has told me that he is in love with me after 3 months together and I love him too. I do not know how to tell him my real age and it is something I struggle with almost everyday, because of the fear I have of losing him. He is the most wonderful man I have every known.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for sharing.

I understand why you did this since you may have lost the opportunity for him to see you since you look a lot longer. You were not trying to be deceitful, but the situation arose with the flight needing your birth date. All you wanted was for him to have the opportunity to meet you first, so I do feel what you are going through.

At this point you really only have two options either to tell him or never tell him. If you never tell him and you do stay together he may end up finding one way or another and would be worse for you if that happens.

The best option, which I would suggest is to tell him as soon as you can. Sit him down face to face and sincerely XXXXX XXXXX happened as you told me. Let him know that you never meant to do this, but thought he would be turned off by your age and may have not met you, so you wanted him to see and meet you first instead of judge based on a number. Also, let him know that if you have already met then you would have been honest since he would have seen you already.

When you tell him this look into his eyes, so that he can see you are being serious. Tell him how you feel for him and that you never lied about anything else in the relationship and how it just got out of control since it was difficult to tell him sooner. Apologize to him and see what his reaction this then depending on that you would go from there.

He may not see it as a big deal. He may understand why you did that and like you a lot, so it wouldn't make a difference. However, there is a chance he will not trust you anymore and be very upset because he was lied to for all this time. We do not know what his reaction will be since everyone reacts differently.

Unfortunately, you would need to make the decision if you think it is best to tell him or not based on how you feel and what you think is right. I think even though there are risks involved with telling him it still is better since you will not need to live with this lie. Also, will not need to risk him finding out another way and I do believe this is something that can be worked through even if he is upset at first.

I wish you all the best with this and hope it works out well for you both!
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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