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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My long distance girlfriend broke up with me. I was being a

Customer Question

My long distance girlfriend broke up with me. I was being a bit needy and jealous... both bad traits. This happened today, do I have a chance of fixing this? A relationship with her is worth working towards.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Hi,

I am sorry that this happened. It is unfortunate when something like this happens in the "getting to know each other phase" but I would not say its impossible to save.

If you really like her I would say see what her reply is from your email then go from there. If she doesn't respond I would wait a few days before contacting her since you wouldn't want to contact too much since then that will make her believe her assumption of you being needy is correct.

I think if she is an understanding person and really liked you so far then you have a good chance of getting a second chance. Just be patient and give her time to get back to you. Worse case you can see if the two of you can remain friends. You can then show her not only through words that you are not that type of person,
but through actions.

I wish you the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Not exactly what I had in mind for $43

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry that you are not happy with my answer. However, I would love to continue helping you until you are satisfied. Maybe you can give me some more details or information about the situation and let me know your exact question or if you would just like some insight in general. I would like to continue working with you and again sorry it was not what you were looking for.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I apologize. That is good advice. I'm upset because I let a bad part of me show in a delicate time in our relationship. She was out to visit, so that we could get to know eachother better. The first day was great, but then we started drinking and I allowed myself to get cloudy minded. I get needy when I'm drunk, like some people get funny, or angry. So, I don't really drink! I feel like I made a mistake, and sending an email after the breakup shows neediness. Really all I can do is sit back? I need more insight. What is the thought process here? For me, for her... We are adults, I just made silly mistake and she is taking it for exactly who I am. I may have shown signs of jealousy and envy which probably raised red flags from past relationships. How, what can I say to her, when I have the chance to say it. I feel a bit insecure right now, clearly. Thanks

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

This is the email I sent:


A relationship with you is worth trying to save. I know about healthy boundaries in relationships, and know that I've overstepped those boundaries. If you thought that it was worth working towards something together once, maybe you could understand that I made a mistake in my behavior this past weekend. I don't have anything to say except I'm sorry. I did act needy and possessive and was certainly not being myself. Which is stupid of me, because the reason that I like you and enjoy spending time with you is because you like me for me and I can be myself around you. People make stupid mistakes at important moments in their lives... (you are important to me) maybe we can continue getting to know each other slowly and you can see that of me. If you feel as though you've thought things through, then I respect your decision.


 


What do you think? Dumb?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
I completely understand how you feel right now. I don't think sending the email showed needy. It was a good thing since it explained to her what exactly happened. Right now its better to wait a little not too long just a few days, so she doesn't confirm her beliefs.

I think you have great insight to this. That behavior was due to drinking since you say you are not that type of person. Drinking does a lot of damage and truly does make people do things they most likely will not do when sober. It is good that you do not drink.

If she got so worried just based on one night then I do think she has some past issues herself. As you said in her eyes she may have had bad past relationships or even heard about red flags to look for. Since she saw these red flags she decided not to continue further. She probably does like you, but chose not to continue the relationship since she saw these red flags.

I do not think it is fair since she is basing you as a whole on that one incident. She should take into consideration how you have been treating her and etc. Another point that makes it even more difficult is that its long distance, so she may not see you very often, which makes it harder for her to see the real you.

If she is willing to listen to you in a face to face conversation that would be the best thing because then you will have the chance to look into her eyes and she can see your sincerity. You can explain how you feel about her so far as well as explain what happens when you drink and this is why you are not a drinker. You are not the type of person that she saw that night and apologize for the fact she got the wrong impression. Go ahead and ask her to give you another chance not to do but for her to get to know the "REAL" you since that night that was not it.

Also, let her know that you want to show her not by your words, but by your actions, the way you will treat her, and your personality.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
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I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.