How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1363
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds


Customer Question

I'm 20. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. I'm confident in our relationship. I really do love her like I've never loved another girl before. I was a virgin before we met, but she wasn't. I was always scared to ask about it, but it came up last night. She told me honestly about it, and the person who took her virginity is a guy I don't particularly like too much. They only did it once, and she told me it was weird and didn't mean anything, and I know I'm making too big a deal of this...but I just can't stop thinking about it. We talked, and I tried to tell her how I felt, but it still makes me upset. Do you have any advice for me, to help me move past this without hurting her? Thank you.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

I understand how you feel right now, but I want you to know that it will get better. Since she took your virginity it is normal for you to be more sensitive in this aspect since you want so much for yourself to be her first. What makes matters worse is that it happened with someone you do not like.

Thinking about it is a normal reaction. It can replay over in your head again and again. This is due to not only because you wanted to be her first and do not like the guy, but also because in general you do not want to imagine her with someone else. This is why it hurts you, but you understand that you can not take this out on her and this is very smart.

Even though it seems like you will never be able to forget and get over this you can. It just may take a little work on your part. The best thing to do is when the thought comes into your mind ignore it and replace it with a positive thought. Remind yourself that she is with you now and she wants to be with you. She had the chance to be with him and she did not want to. It happened once and meant nothing.

Think that you do not want to waste your time thinking of this instead of enjoying her. Spend your time together with her having a good time and your free time being active doing positive things. Thinking of what happened and her past is in the past, so do not let it take away from your present and future.

I am glad you are at peace with her. This shows maturity and insight toward the situation. You can overcome this. It all starts in our mind. Continue to replace the thoughts with positive thoughts of you and her. As you continue to do this and as you continue to grow your relationship deeper with her this incident will be a thing of the past and not a thought in your mind. I guarantee it!

Just be patient. Do the positive thinking and give it time. Focus on your relationship with her and getting to know her better and better. As you communicate and spend time getting to know each other your relationship will strengthen as well.

I wish you the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency