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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi, over the summer I started seeing a guy and Ive fallen

Customer Question

Hi, over the summer I started seeing a guy and I've fallen for him pretty hard and he assures me that he's fallen for me too which is all well and good but since he's moved back to university he barely has time to talk to me and assures me that he's busy but it's driving me insane. I've lost so much sleep and all I want is answers to reassure me that we're still on the same page, and if not then why isn't he telling me? I've got to this stage in a relationship before where I've been so paranoid and it ultimately ended in me being hurt, I just don't want it to happen again and I don't know how to go about it
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.

I understand how this must be very frustrating for you. If he is telling you he is busy then it could very well be true. Long distance relationships are difficult and when people are not in ones day to day life sometimes it is difficult to even call when life takes toll especially if he is in a university.

If he still does call you even though it is not often then it sounds like he is still interested in you. If he cuts off all contact then that is different. Long distance relationships are so very frustrating and you may want to think twice about if you are going to be able to handle it. It does take a lot of patience and trust even more so than a closer distance relationship.

If I were you I would have a serious talk with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you understand he is busy, but would like to talk more if that is possible. Try planning more times with him and see if he agrees. Also, let him know how you feel and what you would like from the relationship then see if he is interested in the same type of relationship as you.

Since you have been hurt before this is normal what you are feeling. It is difficult to not think he will do the same as your ex, but you can change this thinking. When a negative thought comes into your mind you can practice replacing it with positive ones. This way in time your whole thinking will be positive and it will spill over to your actions. In time you will be able to see if indeed he is doing something to concern you or if you are concerned because you are judging based on your previous relationship. It is a process, but you can do it step by step.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.
I noticed that you have not rated my answer yet. If you plan to rate me anything less than positive than please let me know, so I can help further. We can continue working together until you are satisfied.

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