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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1123
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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i am 61 and my husband is 65. he has dumped for another women.

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i am 61 and my husband is 65. he has dumped for another women. he received only a small amount of money for the house we sold and has given up half his generious pension and is going to pay me alomony for the rest of his life. he seems not to care as long as he can go to this woman. also he is narcissitic. anything i can do? is he thinking like a nut?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. This must be so devastating to you.

If he is set on this and has went this far there may not be much you can do. It does sound like you have talked with him a lot with no good response. I would recommend counseling, but it doesn't sound like he could be willing to do that.

He could be very well that he is truly thinking like a "nut". He may be going through a phase in his life. For him to do this out of no where is very strange. Can you tell me a little more about what happened right before he decided to leave? Was everything fine? Were there any hints? Did he every talk to you about this or about any problems?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

to a me everything was fine. no signs or maybe i did not pick up on them. he said he had been thinking about divorce for 3 years. really. we were happy and our sex life was great. just one day to another. in the last past 3 years he spend all our money. he just doesn't seem to care. he is diabetic and is narcissitic. all to himself. i carter and spoiled him and made him my life but i guess it wasn't enough.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
This is terrible. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. However, you do seem to be holding up strong by your writing.

No one knows why he has done what he has and it really doesn't make sense. Only he knows why he has done and you know something he may not even know. Since he is narcissistic he may be doing this out of emotion and not even thinking clearly just wanting to satisfy what he thinks he wants in the moment.

He may realize all of this was a mistake one day, but unfortunately at this point all you can do if you wanted to was try talking with him again and ask if he would be interested in counseling. Also, ask him questions why he never spoke to you previously in order to help you some closure as well as see if there is any chance for the future.

I believe he handled this extremely wrong. He had no consideration for you whatsoever. He should have spoke to you and gave you the opportunity to work things old. This was uncalled for and inconsiderate.

I would strongly urge you to seek counseling to help you in the healing process. You deserve someone that will appreciate you and not treat you this way. You may be afraid of this happening to you again when and if you start a new relationship. Counseling can help you deal with all these issues as well as the hurt. Even though there may not see like there is any good to come out of this. I believe we learn from everything in our lives and there is always positive that comes out of negative we just need to discover it.

Again, I am so sorry. I wish you the very best you deserve it and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1123
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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